Speaking the Truth in Love

Here of late, I read a post right in this very venue that caused me to pause and reflect. Pause and reflect. I like the sound of that. I need to do more of it. Pause and reflect is the antithesis of going off half-cocked, shooting off your mouth, speaking without thinking, etc.. To pause and reflect, one must detach himself from the emotion of a moment. Back to my original thought...

My original desire, upon reading this post, was not to pause and reflect. What I originally wanted to do is set this person straight. Enlightenment is what they need, I said, and I'm just the enlightened soul to provide it. I'm glad I paused and reflected. Even if you can claim the moral high ground, such rebukes are very seldom well received, and are more often resented. This left me with a question: How does one speak the truth in love?

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.  Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
(Ephesians 4:11-16 - NIV)

As Christians, we should be all about "speaking the truth in love." How else can one effectively communicate forgiveness and redemption? How else can we be that iron sharpening iron. However, between Christian brothers, the love part is often excised, or the truth part is removed, and no growth or sanctification takes place. We feel justified in speaking the truth harshly, swinging the Sword around with a carelessness and a reckless abandon, indiscriminately nicking, cutting and wounding whoever falls under our blade. I'm pretty certain that is a misuse of the Truth, so why don't we just back off with the sword-swinging zeal a bit, put that bad boy in its scabbard, and take some time to pause and reflect.

Right now, I feel like I'm speaking the truth in love. Had I posted a fiery comment, as I was initially inclined to do, I'm pretty certain that may have been speaking the truth, but there would have been no love in it. Granted, the offender will most likely not read this post and the wealth of wisdom resident therein, but he will also not be offended and speed right past my good intentions, cleverly hidden behind my sanctimony. At the minimum, I will benefit from this exercise of reflection. If others benefit, well SDG.

We have to earn the right to criticize. Compliments and positive interactions that communicate love are deposits, criticisms are withdrawals. Without a positive balance, your criticism will be returned, marked NSF. Also, when criticizing, are you doing it with an attitude of love? Do you still love someone as you are criticizing them, or have you suffered a temporary lapse of love? Criticism without love is also very expensive and can deplete your account PDQ. That's enough of the banking analogy...

I suppose I could have said all of this in fewer words. Summarized:  1) Pause and reflect before offering a critical word.  2) If something critical is said and it lacks either truth or love, it would be best left unsaid.