Something to Think About

It's nice to have those centering moments, those when you evaluate your life and where you stand in the cosmos and give yourself new direction when necessary. It's also nice to be assured that these moments make you a better person. For me, it's not necessarily a quest for self-improvement. It's a quest to focus on what's important and what's not.

Putting things in perspective helps. If you realize that this entire universe, in its immensity and infinity, sits in a dark corner of God's eye, it gives you perspective. When you consider that the Creator could make such a universe, limitless in size, and that this universe would still be miniscule in comparison to His greatness, this gives you perspective. I find it unbelievable that so many can invert this notion, making themselves bigger and more important that God. Though I wish on no one eternal judgement, I find such a sentence just in light of the violation. Remember the perspective.

With regularity, I also try and remind myself that I am here for God's purposes. This makes a lot of things that seem important really pointless and cheap. We give a lot of thought to clothes, houses, cars, phones and other things. These things won't even exist in eternity. They barely exist here, most having such a short useful life. Yet we give them preeminence over things that are more weighty, more lasting, more important. The things that last forever, we push aside. If our priorities were in the right place, we would put all of our energy and all of our resources into people. That "we" most assuredly includes me. I spend most of my time thinking about how I dislike people and how much I like things that don't talk. In trying to maintain this perspective that places people first, I feel like I walk a narrow path which falls off steeply on both sides. One step to the left or the right and I find myself scrambling for all I'm worth to get back on top. Most of the time, I'm content just to roll to the bottom and stay there.

Yet here I sit at my desk. I look around me and in all corners I see things, not people. It's easy to lose perspective. When I'm surrounded by people, I'm not thinking about them as people though. I'm thinking about them as obstacles, traffic cones to be steered around. Yet what I'm really thinking is that I'm bigger than they are. My goals, the tasks at my hand, are more important. Then, if I have a moment of clarity, I notice that I'm looking through the binoculars backwards like a doofus. I pull them away from my eyes and see that we--myself and those around me--are the same size. We are crossing paths on the way from our Points A to our Points B and we all have our eyes fixed on Point B. I look back and see a hand resting on my shoulder, having just shaken me awake. This wasn't my great idea, putting people first. I would never have such a thought. Yet it is a good idea and I'll do what I can to move in that direction.

So what do you do when you make your way through the teeming masses, everyone with their head to the ground, plowing their way through the throng? What I try to do is to make contact with these people. Eye contact is a first. You have to be actively searching for this, too. Verbal contact, when possible, is next. I'm not talking about establishing deep, lasting friendships with all or any of these people. What I'm talking about is acknowledging that they exist and forcing them to acknowledge that you exist. Add value to their life by noticing it. Toss out a friendly word and see if the cat licks it up.

Many years ago, I saw a commercial that I remember with clarity (I wasted quite a lot of time looking for it this morning with zero success). An old woman, matronly in figure, obviously not getting about with the ease of her younger years, is walking down the sidewalk. She passes a young, nice-looking man who catches her eye and says, "Hey there, good looking!" In the next scene, you see her, spirits buoyed by the contact, telling her friend on the phone about the encounter. During all of this, a voice-over is selling long distance service, insurance, investment brokering or Mormonism, but that's not the important part of the commercial. The message is obvious: you can make someone's day with a simple word and simply noticing they are there. I've wanted to try this, but I just don't think I can pull it off. I'm not really sure how important the young, good-looking man aspect is in the equation. Since I don't meet that requirement, if I tried, I'd probably get a face full of pepper spray. One of these days, I'll try it anyway. No guts, no glory, right?

So I offer you this challenge: as you move about, going from A to B, take notice of those around you. As you purposely seek eye contact, when you find it, say "Hi" to that person. Any other variation will work, too: "Hi there", "Howdy", "Hey", or for the truly bold, "Hey there, good looking!".

 

Wedding Shoot #2

A couple of weekends ago today, I had just finished photographing my third wedding. With only three weddings under my belt, one being so long ago as to not be relevant, I am far from a veteran of the wedding shoot, but I'm getting there, closer and closer with every opportunity. This wedding found me more educated than the last, and the next will hopefully not be so far in the future that my experience will not remain beneficial.

(Photo to right: Me catching the maiden of honor as my assistant caught me.)

I did one thing at this wedding that I had read about, and the results were good enough that I will defininitely try it again. I set up a photo booth between the receiving line and the reception where I took a quick snap of all the wedding guests. I decided that table shots were a less-than-ideal way to photograph the guests. You always are catching someone with a mouth full of cake, or you have people on the wrong side of the table. You are also always asking someone to move around and do a better job of getting into the picture. I have always sensed that many people in that context consider the photograph to be a violation of their privacy, and if not that, then at least a disturbance of their peace. Circling the reception like a vulture, camera in hand, I feel like the unwanted guest of the wanted guests.

The photo booth was a success with only one slight exception. It was a last minute adaptation and I didn't have the opportunity to create or find a suitable backdrop. Instead, I used a utilitarian one: a wide spot in the hallway on the way to the reception hall. It worked. The controlled environment created some consistency in quality and some control, though you wouldn't believe how differences in skin color and the color of clothing can jerk things around, exposure-wise. There is nothing that will fool you camera's meter better than dark skin. The next time, I'd like to have the classic white backdrop or maybe a nice muslin. We'll see.

I turned a DVD over to the family today. There were 754 images that made the final cut. I could have cut more out, but I was satisfied with what was in that group. I realize that there is no way they will print all, or even most, of that 754, so I am happy with the overkill. Actually, I started editing with almost 1200 images. I had an assistant on this shoot, and between me and her, we were certainly victims of Digital Overkill*. After cutting the ones with soft focus (what a photographer calls those images he took which are out of focus, for whatever reason) and after cutting the ones that seemed particularly bad or unnecessary, I was left with 754 that I was unashamed of. The final word will be when the family reports back, either satisfied or dissatisfied. I will try and get an untainted opinion by not asking what they think, begging for a compliment.

Once again, this wedding shoot proved to be a marathon. I arrived at the church at 10:30am and left at around 5:30pm. Afterward, I let my camera sit untouched for two days, not looking at a single image until then. The culling/editing process took time. Photography is, after all, moonlighting for me, so I don't have huge slabs of time to devote to editing between gigs. Like the tortoise, slow and sure does the job. I finally finished and all that remains is to see if the family is satisfied.

Fingers are still crossed. I am, in all regards, still a novice.

---

* - Digital Overkill: The tendency to shoot far more exposures than is necessary due to the ease of doing so with a digital camera. With film, photographers tended to be more judicious because of the cost of shooting, processing and printing lots of film. Digital cameras allow us to blast away, typically resulting in huge exposure count.

Wanting Things

It seems in life there should be some balance between lustful materialism and totally austere anti-materialism. After all, we need things to live, perhaps not as much as we have, but we still need things. The balance probably falls somewhere between never being satisfied with what you have and being satisfied with having nothing.

Morally speaking, I have done some soul searching and don't think that I have an unhealthy appetite for More and Better. I may be delusional, but when I want something, it is, most often, a something that will equip me to do another something, i.e., a tool of some kind. There have been other times when I realize the "tools" I have at present are so shoddily poor that I want to improve on what I have to hopefully improve my output. Generally, I am just happy if I have something that works.

I was having a discussion with Dale the other day. He asked me something that alluded to whether my wish list still had a bass guitar of some kind on it. I told him that since I had gotten the Lakland, I stopped looking at guitars. I told him that was sort of like marrying the right woman: when you find her, you know you've found her and you stop looking.

I recently purchased a new amp: a Gallien-Krueger MB-115. It is a 200-watt combo with one 15-inch speaker and a switchable horn (for high freqs). I played through one at Guitar Center a few months ago and loved its sound. I have barely used it, so I don't really have a good opinion, but I like it so far. Having this amplifier will hopefully mean that I stop looking at amps, too.

The gnostic notion that all material is bad and that we are spirits trapped in an evil, material world is silly and I don't hold to that at all.  However, I do believe that there is Christian teaching that counters materialism. It centers on the notion that God is our provider, that he both created and sustains life. When we think that we exist because of our own ingenuity and due to our own wits, we are deluded. Granted, we have responsibilities, but we make a grave mistake when we believe that we are self-made men. Since God is our provider and since he is sovereign over all things and since he is omniscient and knows all things, then he knows what we need and will provide for all our needs "according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).  He also provides us with the skills, gifts and the raw materials to do our own work, so ultimately nothing we do is of ourselves. By wanting more and more, we are saying that we are dissatisfied with God's provision. We are saying that we know better what it is we need than He does.

Truthfully, I didn't need either a Lakland 55-01 or a Gallien-Krueger MB-115. There are a lot of things in my life that are there, not out of necessity or need, but because they make life a little more enjoyable. I don't believe that life should be austere and that there is no room for pleasure and enjoyment. I just believe that in the midst of my consumption of the material bounty often found in this life, I should be both thankful and content: thankful to the Provider, and content that what he has provided is good enough.            

Put to the Test

I just found out that my Dad has prostate cancer, or as the country folks call it, "prostrate cancer". That knowledge was on my mind as I woke up, unable to return to sleep. I don't know what to think about this. I don't know what I should think about this.

Cancer these days is about death, not hope. All those license plates, all those bumper stickers, all those magnets and t-shirts, and what people think about when the topic of cancer comes up is death. That is because it is still the second biggest killer in America, just under heart disease. It also affects everyone, not just the elderly. Knowing this, when people hear the news that they have cancer, it is tantamount to a death sentence, and usually one not likely to experience parole.

I'm not afraid of death. I don't look forward to an unpleasant death, especially one that follows a lengthy illness, but I have no fear of the beyond. My only anxiety would be for what I leave behind: my family. I want to see them as far down the road as I can. I think my father feels the same way. My stepmother lost her youngest son to colon cancer a couple of years ago, at the young age of 27. Any anxiety at this point is mostly hers. If he has any, I'm guessing it is all on her behalf.

My mother died exactly ten years ago from a stroke. It was sudden and shocking, not prefaced by illness or obviously poor health. That's what most of us hope for: drifting off into eternity in our sleep, not wasting away in a bed, awaiting the knock of the Grim Reaper. Cancer usually offers only that:  your life ebbing away, your last days alive void of living. 

I'm thankful for hope in the life after this one. I'm thankful that the specter of The Big C cannot frighten me, yet I understand how people can be frightened about the arrival of the cancer into their lives. An unknown future of suffering a death of unknown proportions. The fear of an unknown future beyond the grave. Without hope, that would be a frightening prospect and a dark, long tunnel. Considering all of this, it's nice to know that if you're forced into that tunnel you won't be walking through the dark alone. 

A Taste for Justice

On my daily commute, there is a stretch of road adjacent to a construction zone where the two lanes going each way have been limited to one in each direction. The people who travel this road daily know about this area; it’s been this way for 6 months or more already. This road has a half-mile straightaway leading up to the merge and morning traffic can back up and cover this straightaway. Every morning that the traffic backs up like this, there are drivers that will camp out in that dwindling lane as they drive through, blocking the idiot drivers’ attempts to jump to the front of the line. I’ve done this myself, and those who also do it are my heroes in the same way that soldiers are. They are the defenders of the masses. They have a thirst for justice that I also have: to see that the commuters waiting in this line of traffic aren’t ripped off by a few selfish (insert profane epithet here). We all long for justice and enjoy seeing justice prevail. It's just that we have different opinions on what justice is. Justice, it seems, is a matter of perspective.

Actually, what we want is selective justice. Justice--real justice--isn’t so pleasing. It applies to all of us equally. We rarely see pure justice. What we see is corrupted with leniency, favoritism, self-servitude and bias.

Our morals are generally inconsistent, too. Standards or opinions we don’t agree with are wrong. On one side, we say that homosexuality is immoral. On the other side, they are saying that intolerance and hatred are wrong. Some libertines would have us believe that morality is relative and that multiple, contradictory standards can coexist, but that makes no sense. Something deep inside each of us knows that there is an absolute standard out there somewhere, something that ties it all together and sweeps away the confusion and disarray. We just don’t know what that standard is. We don’t know, or we don’t want to know.

Some people would say that Christianity is one of these morally inconsistent viewpoints. We set up our rules that make us look good and others look bad. Our standards make sinners out of those we disagree with and saints out of those like us. This point of view is based in ignorance. The foundation upon which Christianity rests is the Bible--the Word of God. The Word of God is that Absolute Standard. It ties everything together and makes better sense of many things in this world that are puzzling. Our inability to maintain that standard or our unwillingness to acknowledge its authority does not change what it is. Also, read it cover to cover and you won't find the picture of justice as we would have it; it's not there. Instead you find God's justice, and God’s justice is perfect and is based on His holy, unwavering standard.

Yet we still want that relativistic justice, custom made to fit our particular weaknesses and strengths. The problem is that wavering mores and relativistic justice have no place in the economy of a God who is the same yesterday, today and forever. We are all guilty of failing to meet this holy, unwavering standard. Sooner or later, we will all stand before God’s throne. Before the bench of this Holy Judge, we will be without defense. The boldness with which we defend our warped views today will evaporate, for the Holy Judge will demand respect in his Court, and in His Court there is only one opinion.  All of His attributes are flawless and He can exist perfect in every regard, without contradiction, without inconsistency. He holds us to the standard of His Word, and He maintains this standard, not lowering it at any point. Yet we are not without hope As God is perfect in His justice, He is also perfect in His love, and the part of God that is perfect in love is willing to pay debt of those who come to him in humility and repentance.

Those who have made their peace with God and have allowed Him to reform their lives find that they have had their thirst for justice refocused. They want to see God’s will done on earth as it is in heaven. They have read the end of the book and know that day is coming when all things will be made new, yet the longing remains in the here and now. We long for justice, not that we may see wrongdoers punished, but that we may see the will of our holy and righteous Judge done. We echo the words found in Amos 5:24:

...Let justice roll down like waters

And righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

Looking to that day when justice prevails and to when peace--real peace--finally comes, we also echo the words of John the Apostle:

Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus

I long for that day. Sometimes my heart aches in anticipation. I know that God's patience will not endure forever. I know that the evildoers of this world are storing up wrath for that day. I know that righteousness will ultimately prevail. As I long for that day and acknowledge all of these things, I would also like to add the words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard:

Make it so.

The Man in the Mirror

When you are my age, nearing the half-century mark (which is, by the way, 1/20th of a millennium), you notice that time has left its mark on you. The youthful appearance you once possessed has fled. All that is left is the haggard, road-weary countenance of someone much older than you feel. Where did that kid get off to?

Having absconded with your appearance, the kid also took other things, pilfering here and there as he laid his plans to leave town. My youthful vigor? Gone. My sense of adventure? Gone, too. Various and sundry passions? Also gone. Many of the things which associated me with those post-pubescent years, the sunrise years of adulthood, are missing.

Decay is a sad thing to behold. It’s usually not noticed unless time is condensed. Take two periods of time, years distant from one another. Remove everything in between so they sit side-by-side and the comparison will show you that time ravages everything it touches, and it touches everything. Your childhood home, once sheltering loved ones from the elements and from ruffians, now falls into a heap. Go to a class reunion and see how the beautiful young women have devolved into middle-aged has-beens, rode hard and put up wet. Handsome young men have been replaced by beer-bellied, bald-headed old men with puffy jowls and gym bags under their eyes.

Old age also leads its victims into a delusional state. They disregard the evidences of age and feel as if time has not moved along. Women think they are still hot. Men have dreams of easily winning the affections of younger women. Tricked by time, these poor souls wander to and fro, sweating drops of desperation. The odor can be sickening to those grounded in reality, but more often it results in pity. Poor oblivious suckers.

Hopefully as we age, our tastes mature. Women aren’t compelled to dress in ridiculous ways. Men compare the ages of younger women to their children and grandchildren. Unable to defeat Father Time, we invite him in for a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. We will hopefully acknowledge that aging gracefully is to be coveted and revered. Time marches on, so deal with it. As for me, I feel like a twenty-something in the body of a forty-something. I’ve never felt older. Granted, I do look older, but what can I do about that? A radical comb-over? A neglected membership at a gym? No, I choose to accept the hand I’m dealt. While I will not choose to advance the process of advancing by dissipation, I will deal with life as it comes and I will seek to enjoy it until it ends.

When the inevitability of aging surrounds us and we aren’t swept away by delusion, we will either succumb to defeat and allow it to rob our life of joy and meaning or we will embrace it as being part of that life. Getting old has always been a part of life. The only ones who have left this life without doing battle with Father Time have left it prematurely, not having seen what many believe to be the best years of it all. Getting old has is rewards, too. Older people have confidence. They have wisdom (hopefully). They have experience. They have good friendships that have endured for years and shine like hand-rubbed mahogany. Older people can slow down and enjoy the richness of life, savoring each moment. All young people have is looks and energy.

Old people that load up in a motor home and tool around the country, spending the wealth they’ve acquired over the last 30 or 40 years of saving, are shameful. Seniors should be plugged in to younger generations, teaching and passing on wisdom, not tooling around in a gashog monstrosity, feasting on the fat of the land. Senior adults who live this self-indulgent type of life are partially responsible for the ignorance of present generations. We are presently raising children and young adults on a diet that is free of wisdom. Experience is not always the best teacher. Someone else’s experience is usually better, granted we have the smarts to learn from their mistakes.

I said that old, selfish people are only partially responsible for the ignorance of present generations. This is because younger generations bask in their ignorance. They proudly look on previous generations as more ignorant and without anything of value to offer them. These unteachable masses will soon enough reap a harvest of pain and suffering, without anyone to blame but themselves.

So I look in the mirror and wonder at the value of those lines, the sagging flesh, and those latter-day bulges. If I consider myself wiser than I was--if I consider each trial, each tribulation to be of value--then I’ve done well. One cannot hang onto youth any more than you can hold water in your hand. It slips through, no matter how hard you try to keep it. If you are one of those rare young people who covet wisdom and the richness which maturity bring to life, be patient. There is no fast track, no shortcut, to wisdom. There are shorter routes, but even the shortest routes are decades long.

The best advice I can give a younger person is to be mindful of who you are and where you are at all times. Think long and hard about what kind of person you want to be, and let everything you do move you toward that goal. Be today's version of the kind of person you want to be.  It is my hope that you never reach that specific goal. My hope is that by the time you get there, you have fine-tuned that goal at regular intervals, replacing unimportant features with more important ones as your priorities have changed, as you have matured. I am nothing like I wanted to be in my youth, but I’m happy where I am and I have no regrets.

No regrets. I like the sound of that. I’d rather have that than youth any day.

On Raising Children - Part III - Nuts and Bolts

 

One thing you learn as you compare your child rearing ideas with others is just how unique these ideas and the methods used to employ them are. Given the difference in all this, everyone is an expert if only in the realm of their own experience. What you must force yourself to examine is not all the talk or all the neat sounding ideas, but the fruit of the parents labors. All the talk and all the high-minded notions are worthless in parenting if they don’t produce the goods. In this case, I consider “the goods” to be well-adjusted, well-mannered children, ready for inclusion in the human race. I have seen many, many, many parents who talk a good game but just don’t deliver at the plate. Matthew 7:17 says that “...every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” This applies as well in judging parenting methods: look for the fruit.

Before you ever have your first child, you should have made certain decisions about how that child will be trained and taught. The training of a child is work--hard work. It requires a firm hand that will consistently enforce the rules of the house that have been set in place to bring about this predetermined training and teaching. Establishing and maintaining these standards will require the use of force.

I once worked for a private security company, protecting the assets and lives of a wealthy family. Every work day, before our shift would begin. we would discuss certain things in a roll call meeting. Some were specific, relating to this particular company’s activities. Others were general, relating more to security and law enforcement topics. One day a supervisor presented information on what he called the Ladder of Force. This demonstrated how the use of force follows a progression beginning with the physical presence of the officer and ending with deadly force. The general idea was that a proper response worked upward on the ladder using only as much force as any situation dictated, but escalating the use of force as necessary to gain the compliance of the adversary. With children, you don’t really have a good guy/bad guy situation, although at times it seems to be just that. You are training, guiding, and educating this child on how they should behave. You are creating structure where there is none. You are creating order from chaos. In order to accomplish this effectively, you must sometimes ascend the Ladder of Force. Be prepared to use your muscle to make it happen. Corporal punishment is the best way to speak to younger children who don’t yet have the ability to reason. There is no other path.

You should completely disregard those who say that spanking teaches a child violence. That is foolishness, steeped in ignorance. A child that is allowed to defy authority has a heart that is filled with violence. It has never been necessary to be taught violence. It is the fruit of human nature when it is allowed to ferment without constraint. The purpose of discipline is neither to violate, to damage, nor to abuse. It is to enforce compliance to a standard.

So, preparing to be a parent, whether actively or academically, should involve deciding how you want your child to behave and determining and applying methods to make that happen. It is a wrong-headed notion that children have all this goodness inside of them and if we just let them grow up unfettered, they will turn out just fine. (When I say “wrong-headed”, you can assume I’m also saying, stupid, idiotic, naive or moronic.)  I would suggest getting over these free-thinking notions, getting ready to work at parenting, and getting a plan drawn up which will help you to attain your goal.

Here's my starter list. Though not perfect, this is a good list to start with because each of these items focus on character traits that the entirety of humanity would benefit from modeling. Realizing that values differ from person to person, I can’t offer a list that would be perfectly suitable for everyone, but I’m going to offer a few things I’ve tried to teach my children.  If you’re wondering about the “tried to” caveat, go back to Part II and read the first paragraph about the boiling cauldron. I wish the things in this list were universally accepted as essential. Perhaps when the masses read this treatise, the trend will begin moving that way.

1. Telling the Truth. - Lying is one of the biggest impediments to parenting.  In many situations, you need to know the truth, but there is no way of divining it aside from their confession, and somewhere along the way, your cute little child has become a lying, deceitful little bugger. Early on, you need to establish this beachhead of truthfulness. Many of your other efforts will hinge on this, so don’t discount its importance. The most difficult aspect of this will be having your children be truthful while upholding the consequences for certain actions. Self-preservation will drive a child to lie like a senator under oath. Casting the moral importance for truthfulness in spite of consequences is important. Psalm 15, in describing the upright man, says that he “swears to his own hurt and does not change.” This idea of doing the right thing even if it hurts may be foreign to some folks, but remains an essential hallmark for decent humanity.


2. Making Amends. - You don’t have to be a recovering drunk, slogging your way through the 12 steps, to reap the benefits of making amends. When you have wronged someone, whether by deed or word, then you should make that right, repairing the situation through a sincere mea culpa. “I am sorry” means nothing except that you regret something has happened. It doesn’t establish your guilt and show you have accepted responsibility. “Please forgive me” is more appropos. Accepting responsibility for our actions means that these actions are dealt with by the parties directly involved. If your actions have caused loss of a material nature, then it is necessary to offer restitution. We should all strive to keep a clear conscience. If we deal with situations where we have wronged others, then there will be nothing hidden--no skeletons in that proverbial closet for others to drag out to haunt us. This lesson is very hard to learn as an adult and is better learned as a child.


3. Respect for Others - Many of these ideas could be sub-classified under this one, but it warrants mention on its own. Having a basic respect for others is why people are courteous. It is why they aren’t rude or self-serving. I heard one man refer to this as remembering the preciousness of others. Everyone you meet was fashioned by the hands of the same Creator. This gives them value. Humility and deference is one of the most noble, most sincerely good attributes we can display. It exemplifies the antithesis of the all-too-common selfish nature that runs rampant in humanity. By showing respect for others, you are showing yourself and these others that you have risen above your baser nature. You are showing them that they are important, and they are seeing by your behavior that you are as well. I could go on about this one forever, but this will do for now.


4. Respect for Authority - This notion has been undermined since the late ‘60s, but needs to see a resurgence. Fixing this in the minds of your children requires a respect for you as the parent first. You are their first and foremost authority, and you must command and demand their respect, yet respect must be earned, so strive to deserve it. If they don’t respect you, they will probably not respect other authorities either. Since we, now and forever, live under authority of one kind or another, willingly subjecting ourselves to this is an act of self-preservation. This also means we respect authority even if we don’t respect the person in that position. Authority is established by God, too (Romans 13:1-7), and those in authority will be held accountable for how they handled that responsibility.


5. Self-Control - Maintaining a controlling grip on the beast that resides in each of us is a tall order. If we can simply not allow that beast to run amok, that is good, but if we can harness our desires and make them subject to what we know is their proper use, we will have accomplished a great feat and will save ourselves from a lifetime of woe, pain and regrets. We must learn to say “no” to our darker sides. We must also learn to control our tongue. This not only means not saying the wrong thing, but talking too much in general (Proverbs 10:19). Self-control in all areas of our lives is important. One way I try to exercise this is by saying “no” to things that really don’t matter that much. If I want to stop on the way home and get myself a fizzy beverage, this really doesn’t matter, morally speaking, yet by saying “no” to that simple desire, I have established control of my desire. It doesn’t control me. If you can do it at this level, you can move up the Ladder of Control, establishing self-control at progressively higher levels. Teach your kids the meaning of “no”. Teach them the meaning of “not now.” Teach them that throwing a fit in response to either of these is totally and completely unacceptable.
   


6. A Healthy Work Ethic - Work, like authority, cannot be escaped. We all are called to work in different ways for different reasons. Helping your children to see the value in working and working hard will make them useful to you, to their families, to their employer, and to society as a whole. Laziness is a cancer that must be excised, medicated, radiated and obliterated at all costs. This is supported by biblical teaching: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Give your children responsibility early on in their lives and make them progressively responsible for more things and more important things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child helping out with the work around the house. Teach them to do things, to do them correctly, and to do them with a good attitude. Teach your kids this and they will sing your praises when they are older and the fruits of their responsibility have ripened.

There are many, many other things that could be on this list, but this is a good start. If our kids can grasp these things, they will be well on their way to acceptable adulthood. You may also be able to forgo that locking-them-in-the-basement thing.

I'll leave you with this, a method for raising teenagers. I heard it from Chuck Swindoll, who was apparently quoting Mark Twain. He said that when your child turns thirteen, you should lock them in a barrel and feed them through the hole. When they turn sixteen, stop up the hole.

On Raising Children - Part II - The Hard Part

Being a parent is much like trying to stay afloat in a boiling cauldron. Keeping your head above water won’t necessarily save you. Children, it seems, have a mind of their own. They often refuse to listen to wise counsel. They can insist on making independent decisions that are ill-informed and can totally depart from what they’ve been taught. This, they feel, is what it means to be grown up. This is what it is like to be free from the yoke of parental control. This is the thanks their well-intentioned parents get for twenty years of love, support and involvement. Well, we all want our kids to become independent, except for a few freaky co-dependent sorts who would rather strangle their kids with apron strings, yet a parent’s greatest fear is to have their kids depart from the path they’ve tried to set them on. Having to sit back and watch your kids unnecessarily make big mistakes with serious consequences creates gray hair, bags under the eyes, stomach ulcers, and drives people to early graves. This “Children of the Corn” mentality carries its own curse. Children who despise the rule of their parents and have no use for their advice eventually grow up and have kids of their own who give them the same thing--in spades. What goes around, comes around. The chickens always come home to roost. We reap what we sow, and in this case, sowing the wind, you reap the whirlwind.

Now from the child’s perspective: Dealing with parents can, at the least, be frustrating. At worst, you feel betrayed, abandoned, detached, and adrift. Obviously, the two parties involved--parent and child--are at odds with each other. They are differently motivated and work toward different ends. Parents ideally want to help their kids avoid making stupid mistakes and to help them avoid embarrassing themselves and their families with preventable indiscretions. They want their kids to embark on life’s journey well-equipped for every contingency. Kids want to have fun and make their own decisions. The conflict often arises because children, experience-poor and unprepared to make good decisions on a wealth of matters, insist on doing so anyway. They fancy themselves more mature than they are. Parents can be guilty of fancying their children as less mature than they are. Children think their parents have little to offer someone young and growing into adulthood. Parents think their children, rather than being free to roam the globe, should be locked up in the basement. This is, of course, always for their own good.

Study all of these frustrations and many more and you will come up with several common elements. Here are a few:

1. Children discount the experience and knowledge of their parents. - In the Bible, such knowledge is called wisdom, and wisdom is defined as “knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action.” In other words, knowing the best course of action and having the sense and initiative to make that choice. Experience is still the best teacher, and parents have been in that classroom a whole lot longer than you, kiddo. In many regards, children have yet to enter certain classrooms at all. Children: listen carefully to what your parents are saying. The chances are pretty good that their experience may trump your youthful exuberance.


2. Parents not listening to children or not explaining their decisions to them. - Even if a child is wrong in their motivations, the parent has the obligation to listen if for no other reason than be equipped to explain why one path is right and the other wrong or why one choice is better than another. “Because I said so” just fuels a contest of the wills. Explaining your decision to your child doesn’t mean they will readily accept your judgment either. However received, a parent should provide their counsel and present their wisdom in a non-threatening way, explaining as best they can the reasoning that goes into their decision.


3. Parents and their children position themselves as adversaries, not compatriots, in the growing-up minefield. - Working as a team with a common goal is essential. This means that both parents and children must be prepared for some give-and-take in the process. Kids: remember this--your parents are not the enemy. Parents: remember this--your kids aren’t the demonic little killjoy they may seem to be at times. Love and mutual respect softens conflict.


4. Unrealistic expectations of equality. - Children should be prepared to give up on having everything they way they want it. At this stage of a family’s development, egalitarianism will not work. There has to be a hierarchy of leadership, a place for the buck to stop, and someone who can have the last word. Unfortunately for kids, this role is best occupied by parents. When common ground and agreement cannot be established, the final decision should fall to the parents. A child’s deference to a parent’s judgment will prove to be a wise choice. Time almost always shows that the parents’ decisions for the children are better than the children’s decisions for themselves.


5. You cannot be parent and friend to your children at the same time. - The role of parent and friend are very often in opposition to one another. Give up on the notion of being a friend to your children until they are adults. Children: don’t expect your parents to treat you like your friends do. Don’t expect them to blindly embrace every idea you have. Don’t expect them to support every decision you make. Their job is to protect you from your own stupidity. Let them do this. You’ll appreciate it later. Guaranteed.

The challenges of parenting have changed over time. The remedies and tools parents use in their work have changed, too; some would say they have “evolved”. In the Mosaic Law, rebellion in children was a capital crime. Deuteronomy 21 says:

18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.

Things have softened up just a bit since then. Yet rather than view this as overly harsh and barbaric, try and see the value in having such a strict view of childhood rebellion. While I don’t advocate the reinstatement of laws requiring the stoning of the rebellious child,  I believe this law did bring benefits into the early Israeli society. Maintaining the order between parents and children, even if by rule of law, is better than anarchy. It is how militaries have kept order for thousands of years. It is what has kept organizations functioning properly for millenia. Reinforced order is what it is. Since the Mosaic law of that time was instituted and written by God Himself, we must also conclude that reinforced order within the family unit is not only beneficial, but is mandated. Today, we cannot expect to have that kind of attitude supported by government, but we still can as a family unit, short of the stoning part that is. When children willingly defer to a parent’s judgment, they are doing their part to create stability. They are also performing an act of self-preservation. Ephesians 6:1-3 (quoting Deuteronomy 5:16) tells children that the fruit of honoring their parents is that “it may go well with you and you may have long life on the earth.” It is therefore safe to assume that the inverse of these would be the fruit of rebellion: that it will not go well for you and you will not have long life on the earth.

Thus far, I’ve tried, albeit rather poorly, to point out that: a) It is easy to have children; and b) It is hard to raise children well. In the next episode, I will cover exactly what you should teach them.

On Raising Children - Part I - The Easy Part

Having recently written my very popular (kidding) multi-part informative series on marriage, I’ve decided to embark on the next logical step: children. I’m thinking that many who read this aren’t even to the marriage part yet, but I’m hoping that you will experience an epiphany of common sense when reading this new series, the scales will fall from your eyes, and you will find yourself reformed in your thinking on the subject. So go ahead: feast on the wisdom I now set before you.

---

 

Simple observation of history and our surroundings has shown us that any numbskull can create offspring. It’s an easy thing to do. Dogs do it, and many adults and not-yet adults do it with the same mindset as dogs. Blindly led by their hormones and urges, they unwittingly create children. Children are too often born to parents who, not long before, were children themselves. Adulthood has been forced on them by responsibility which many will shirk and others will lazily acknowledge. Their offspring will be poorly raised by parents who were themselves poorly raised, not embracing responsibility, but putting it off as if it were a household chore that could wait until next week. A cycle is then perpetuated, with poorly prepared parents, unwilling to improve their child-rearing skills, raising poorly taught children who soon enough become another generation of ill-prepared, unteachable parents.

Thankfully, my observation is not as bleak as it sounds. There is always a chance for parents to break the cycle. There is always the chance for children of poor parents to overcome the fruits of their parents’ non-labors. So with the opportunity to overcome--the chance to step away from circumstances we are born into--what’s an excuse worth? Not much. Motivation and a desire to change come at a much higher price than apathy and indifference, and there are few willing to pony up the difference.

The most unfortunate scenario though is the parents, well-taught and well-raised, that don’t pass what they were taught on to their children. One excuse is laziness. Raising children properly is hard work. People who blow off this work continue to puzzle me. Perhaps they are thinking that their children, left to their own devices, will turn out OK. Perhaps they are thinking that their parents methods were backward and in need of improvement which they, the new generation of enlightened parents, will be better able to provide. The "new" direction is usually more laissez-faire, and is actually a downgrade. It provides nothing for making the children better people than they would have received had they been raised by wolves. Fools always see their generation as the best and brightest, as the most knowledgeable, and the best qualified to undo the ruination of previous generations. What a stupid, short-sighted notion! God save us from such as these.

Since trying to reason with a fool is like trying to teach a pig table manners, the most I’ll idealistically hope for is that some misguided soul will mistakenly stumble in here and unexpectedly glean some value from these lessons. I’ll also be content if those who agree with me are able to have their ideals shored up by a like-minded friend. The greatest possible benefit though will be for a young person, perhaps on the cusp of marriage and/or parenthood, to rethink and refocus their own notions of parenthood, both what they’ve received and what they will eventually administer to their own kids. There is one thing that separates us from those dogs mentioned earlier: we have the capacity to better ourselves. Whether we exercise our gift as a higher being to do so is another question.

An American Tragedy

As I've alluded to a nauseating number of times, my job as a funeral director, while full of boredom, is laced with a modicum of interesting situations. Interesting to me, that is. It would probably be 100% boredom to most of you.

The other day took me to Amarillo for a graveside service. Llano Cemetery is one I've been to before, but that was about 10 years ago, at the beginning of my career, and it was actually to the mausoleum. This time took me to the dirt, where the normal, everyday folks lie in peaceful repose.

Typically, I set up at least an hour before service time. The trip to Amarillo from Fort Worth took a little less time than I had figured, so I was set up early and was killing time, enjoying a very unusual summer day that felt more like spring. One of the cemetery workers was unusually chatty, telling me about having lived in the Fort Worth area for some years. I got a run-down on his employment history and every community he had lived in. I had nothing better to do, so I continued to politely listen to his stories. That, plus I was somewhat a captive audience for him. Eventually, he figured he had better get back to work, yet before he left he mentioned a grave I might like to see. He said it was the grave of a fellow named Husband who had been on one of the space shuttles that had crashed. He pointed in its direction and then went back to his work.

---

On January 16, 2003, the Space Shuttle Columbia took off from the Kennedy Space Center. This was the 27th mission this craft had flown, and it was manned with a crew of seven. The commander of the flight was Rick D. Husband, an Air Force colonel and a veteran of only one other shuttle mission, having piloted STS-96 on the first shuttle mission to dock with the International Space Station in 1996.

On launch, a three-foot piece of foam insulation fell off of an external fuel tank and damaged the shuttle's wing. It is theorized that the foam created a hole in a reinforced carbon panel on the wing, possibly as small as 6 to 10 inches in diameter. NASA management felt that the damage hadn't created an unsafe condition and refused to take any measures to examine the damage in depth, including refusing to have an astronaut examine the wing and refusing to have DOD satellites photograph the damage.

On February 1, 2003, the shuttle was scheduled to land at the Kennedy Space Center at 9:16am EST. All preparations had been made for a normal re-entry with no concern given to the wing damage. At 8:53.26, Columbia crossed the California coastline west of Sacramento. It was traveling at Mach 23 at an altitude of 231,600 feet. At this time, the temperature of the wing's leading edge would be around 2,800 °F. At 8:58:20, the shuttle crossed from New Mexico into Texas. At 8:59:15, Maintenance, Mechanical, and Crew Systems (MMACS) informed the crew that pressure readings for the left landing gear had been lost. Flight Commander Husband responded, "Roger, uh, bu...", his transmission being cut off mid-sentence. That was the last communication to be received from the Columbia.

At 2:04pm EST, President Bush addressed the nation. He said what many already knew: "The Columbia is lost; there are no survivors."

---

Debris was scattered over a vast area, from southeast of Dallas throughout East Texas and into western Louisiana, some even being found in southwest Arkansas. This was my home turf, my old stomping grounds. One of the largest amounts of debris fell around Nacogdoches, where I went to college and lived for 5 years. If the sorrow of having this happen there weren't bad enough, the scavengers snatching up debris and trying to sell it on eBay proved a more intense embarrassment. Ugliness exists everywhere, but you don't want the national spotlight shining on your hometown version of it.

It was reported that remains of all seven of the astronauts was recovered. Morbid speculation leads us to assume that it was most likely not all or most of any of the seven that was recovered.

---

Rick Husband's funeral was in Clear Lake, Texas on February 5, 2003. He was then buried in Llano Cemetery in Amarillo.

Husband was known for his Christian faith. In his last-request form, which astronauts fill out before each flight, it is reported that he inserted a note to his pastor. The note states: "Tell them about Jesus. He's real to me."

 

Summertime in Texas

Here it is, the official first day of summer. Yet here in Texas, we've been experiencing summer for some two months already.

Spring here is short. Not in the official sense; in the official sense, it's still three months long, but in the practical sense, spring lasts but a month or so and then the heat sweeps in and kills everything that was verdant and lush. That's Texas. That's the price we pay for not having excruciatingly hard winters, lots of snow and ice and for not needing tire chains. Our cars don't rust away from the salted roads in winter, but they must have a working AC.

I recall meeting a fellow at a church we were once members of. He and his wife were from Wyoming--the mountainous part--and had moved to the area for seminary. We worked together on a building project at church for a few weeks, using his truck at one point to haul sheetrock. It had no AC. He bemoaned the fact, stating that in Wyoming, AC was pretty much optional. He had bought this truck new, opting to forgo the cost of climate control. Being in Texas for a summer made him regret that frugal decision.

I've lived in two different climate zones in Texas. I grew up in East Texas, which is a close to a tropical zone as this state gets. The humidity is high, there is usually abundant rainfall, and anything will grow there. Drop a penny on the ground, and in a week's time, pick up a nickle. I've also lived, for the past 24 years, in North Texas. While not arid, the climate here is considerably less humid. Here it is more of a dry heat. Somewhere between June and July, my yard turns into a nice shade of brown, maybe a rich tan. Other than the dustiness, I don't mind not mowing. The heat makes outside projects that endure over several hours unbearable. I've found that when I spend three or four hours outside in the heat of the day, it probably takes me twice as long to recuperate once I've retired. I've never been a big sweater, but Texas heat will draw perspiration out of anyone or anything.

I especially loathe my job in this heat. Imagine standing at a graveside, the temperature hovering at or around 100°F. You are wearing a wool blend suit, a long-sleeved dress shirt, an undershirt and a tie. Did I mention the suit is black? Ten seconds in that environment, and you feel the hot liquid your body is expelling running down your back. Here's some inside information: the coolest place to be in that situation is under a tree, not under the tent. I used to tell my biology students this. I would ask them what they thought happened to all that moisture that a tree sucks out of the ground. It evaporates through the leaves of the tree, and this evaporation cools the temperature around, but especially under that tree where the shade is. Being under that tree, you experience creation's air conditioning.

Fall will be here soon, yet not soon enough. It's usually November before we start seeing traditional fall-like weather. I love the bleakness and gray of fall. The clouds cover the sky, hanging there as if their role is to block all the joy out of people's lives. There's usually not a lot of fall color here, unless you consider brown one of those colors. Fall and spring are my favorite seasons. They are my most productive times. I can accomplish more outside when the heat is not sucking life out of me and when the cold isn't rendering my extremities into numb, lifeless stumps.

We once visited some friends that lived in Burlington, Ontario, which is part of the Greater Toronto area. They had a lovely, huge home in a nice suburban neighborhood. What I remember the most about their house, other than the huge basement, was that they had two--that is, two--double-pane sliding doors on the back of their house, one mounted inside the house, one outside. I don't want to live anywhere where it gets so cold that this kind of construction is necessary.

Living with humidity or heat is something you get used to. Living in East Texas humidity for twenty years, I didn't know there was anything different. Then I move to North Texas and become acclimated here. Now, when I return home for a visit in the summer, the humidity makes the air so thick you feel you are breathing in pudding instead of air.

So I live in Texas without regrets. I love this state and want to be nowhere else. Listening to others bemoan the heat, I just shake my head. Sure, there may be other places where the climate is perfect, never too hot, never too cold. But when the climate is perfect, the imperfections will lie elsewhere.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

I possess but a few hobbies, most of which I've alluded to in this weblog. Two of these--photography and the guitar--are basically talent driven. Pretty much everyone wants some type of talent: something we are especially good at, something that makes us shine. I'm no different. I want to be a talented photographer and musician.

Talent, in order to blossom, needs to be properly nourished. Most of us wish it was naturally instilled and all we had to do was turn on the faucet and out came all sorts of nice, creative things. Well, the truth of the matter is it almost never works that way. Such giftedness is as rare as hen's teeth. Virtually everyone who is good at something became good by one simple method: practice.

Laziness is my primary obstacle. I want the skill, but not enough to travel the road between mediocrity and excellence. It seems I enjoy sitting right where I am, watching the traffic speed by. There are always other obstacles, too. Life is never so empty that we have large pockets of time free so that we can fill them with practice. To practice, we take away from something else. Work and the responsibilities of family life take up pretty much everything that sleep doesn't claim, so it would typically be family responsibilities that would suffer. This is also a very convenient excuse that I don't mind using to explain my mediocrity. Family first.

So it's never a very big surprise when I apply myself to one of these hobbies and notice that my skill level remains somewhere between fair and middling. There has always been a market for my skill set in certain areas, the "jack of all trades". The complete verse from which this is lifted says: "Jack of all trades, master of none, though ofttimes better than master of one." There is therefore supposed benefit in being skilled in several things instead of being exceptional in any one of them. Most times, I would agree. My passable skills at car and home repair have saved me a boatload of money, which for a poor fellow such as myself is no small benefit. Yet I still would like to excel at either photography or music (or both, if I had my way). Excelling at music would be more fun, but excelling at photography would be more practical. Such is my dilemma, and I spend many long, long hours not worrying about it.

There will be a day in the future when all the kids have moved away, the nest is empty, and I finally have that large pocket of time. I wonder whether I will even care about photography or music then.

On Knowing Talent When You Hear (and See) It

It has never been a secret that my musical tastes are narrow in scope. My choices tend toward guitar-driven, classic style rock, the next closest choice being probably guitar-driven alternative style rock. However, there are times when I hear a song from across the tracks that catches my ear. There is usually something about it--a undefinable quality--that stands out. I'm a sucker for a good hook, so oftentimes it's more definably a hook that carries the song to the fore. If I had to guess at what constitutes that "undefinable quality", I'd say it is a creative melody. Creativity as I see it is a gift. There have been a lot of people who have written symphonies, but there have been only a handful of Beethovens, Mozarts or Handels. Also, in spite of whatever opinion some may have, Lennon and McCartney had the gift, both as a team and as individuals. I believe Bono and his homies have the gift, though it has been sporadically applied over the years. And in the realm of country music, I'm a fan of Clint Black, who I also see as a gifted writer/performer. The gift becomes evident over time when a person or group of persons reveal a body of work showing a consistent level of talent and skill. This gift, in whatever genre, can't be bought or learned. It is bestowed by a benevolent Creator.

In my college years, namely around my junior year, I had a copy of "Here at Last: The Bee Gees Live". This was an album they released on the cusp of their late '70s rise to dominance. It was a collection of some really good music, well-crafted and showing signs that the Bee Gees were absolutely gifted songwriters and performers. My roommate at the time was John. John and I had been friends for some time already. We graduated together from high school. We, eventually, were in each others weddings. John is one of a few acquaintances from high school and college whose friendship I still covet. Though we now live some 250 miles apart, I would do anything for John at the drop of a hat. John is also the kind of guy that would do the same for me, but I digress. During our days as roommates at Stephen F. Austin (Garner Apartments, Room #607), John and I would listen to this Bee Gees album often, while washing dishes, eating dinner or whatever. We both agree: those were good times. That was good music.

It's a shame that the Bee Gees are only remembered for their contribution to the disco music craze, linked inexorably to that horrible movie, "Saturday Night Fever". Their contribution to popular music scene in a career of fifty decades is beyond questioning. Going through their catalog reveals song after song after song, all great, all masterfully crafted. Many cringe at Barry Gibb's ever-present falsetto. Well, he has a great normal singing voice, too, but that falsetto fit into the Bee Gee's mix just right. When success follows a group such as the Brothers Gibb for so long, it is never a fickle thing, resting solely on trends or shallow opinions. It rests squarely on the shoulders of remarkable talent and the gift.

Put the DVD, "The Bee Gees: One Night Only" in your Netflix lineup. It is an absolutely great concert. It was recorded in Las Vegas in 1997, a little over 5 years before Maurice Gibb's untimely death on January 12, 2003. The death in 1988 of Andy Gibb, their younger brother who was a successful solo artist in his own right, was quite a blow to the Brothers Gibb, yet Maurice's death marked the end for the group. I'm OK with this. All good things must end, and ending this way is the most fitting tribute that Barry and Robin could offer to their brother's memory. This concert also ends up being more than a collection of hits, performed by three brothers whose musical chops rarely weakened over their lengthy careers. It is a window into a family that loved music, loved performing, and loved performing with each other. Here it is, 13 years after this great Vegas concert, and I still enjoy this music. I hope that I always will. It will show that I still know quality when I hear it.

In Defense of British Petroleum

I find it peculiarly interesting how chic it is to bash British Petroleum over this Gulf oil leak. The venom frenzy has led me to wonder if anyone out there is interested in taking the side of BP. When I say "anyone", I mean "anyone who doesn't stand to gain from a successful British Petroleum." I have decided to try and see some things from their point of view and to offer a few thoughts from my point of view.

1. Gulf oil exploration, at any depth, serves the interests of all Americans. - Unless, of course, you don't mind being held hostage by a group of very rich men that wear towels on their heads, or a lunatic or two from South America. The more oil that is harvested from our home turf, the less we need from under the sands of the Middle east or from the jungles of South America. Even if you drive a Prius or a scooter, you use gasoline and create the demand for crude oil.


2. Oil exploration, especially offshore, is frought with dangers and difficulties. - Imagine being out in the ocean on a relatively small platform, working around equipment that would be dangerous even on dry ground. Imagine the difficulties in sending a drilling stem down into the depths while the waves churn around this platform. Given all of these things, I think it quite remarkable that things like this spill in the Gulf haven't happened more often.


3. It's not easy to fix things a mile under the ocean. - The simplest tasks on land are made very difficult or near impossible one mile under the ocean. Men can't go there. The weight of all that seawater creates operating pressures that humans cannot endure. Also, the temperature at that depth is around 30°F. Troubleshooting and repairing equipment is not the piece of cake we might assume it to be. I, for one, am amazed at what they've been able to do thus far with the ROVs.


4. Handling this incorrectly could create a problem far worse than the present one.  - This blowout preventer, even in its non-functioning state, is still throttling down the flow of oil. Do something stupid (i.e., explosives), and you will both increase the flow and most likely create a situation that is unfixable.


5. Environmentalists are, in part, responsible for this problem, too. - Their demands that offshore drilling sites move further and further away into the depths and onto the ragged edge of drilling technology make them partially responsible for this accident. Partially, I said.


6. The government, in large part, is responsible for the problem. - A lot of people are saying that the government's failure in overseeing the oil exploration industry in general is to blame. I say the government, which includes every president, senator and congressman--Democrat and Republican--that has served for the past several decades, is responsible for not encouraging, by any means, America to move toward alternative, renewable fuel sources. Competition with Big Oil has been stifled, buried under piles of special-interest cash. Who knows what great ideas have disappeared under this pile of money.


7. The death of BP will not be a good thing for Americans. - It is very possible that the repairs, cleanup and settlements will do BP in. I don't know exactly how many Americans are employed by BP, but the number is substantial enough that the failure will shock the American economy. It would be a cruel thing to take delight in seeing so many suffer just to see BP get its comeuppance.


8. This is--plain and simple--an accident. - Nothing that humans have ever organized or participated in has been free of error, mistakes or accidents. And in the thousands of offshore rigs that have been employed over the last few decades, this is the first incident of this type. That seems to be a pretty good record.


9. Sometimes, technology has a hard time keeping up with progress. - Learning to drill in deep water does not come with a prerequisite knowledge of how to deal with every contingency, every possibility. Even anticipating what might happen doesn't mean you'll get the whole picture and be prepared to deal with it. BP is developing, at a phenomenal rate, new hardware and new technologies to deal with this spill. The best minds across the industry have been at work on this from the beginning.

My defense of BP is solely motivated by my desire that they be treated fairly in all this. I will not join the dogpile. What I'm hoping to see is that the threats, name-calling and blame-casting will cease and that everyone will pitch in to get this fixed and cleaned up. A few people will continue to posture and position themselves against BP, hoping the public will not see through the veneer that covers their disinterested, self-serving heart. Threats to "keep a boot on the neck of BP" come from such people. I prefer to look at it this way: if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

Moral Dilemmas: My Version

CallMeQuell posted this survey/quiz on her page, asking that we post our answers on our own pages, so here they are. These answers are pretty true to my personality; I don't feel as if I was equivocating.

1. After a party your boss generously offers to drive a group of children home who have no other way to get there...he's quite drunk.
   Do you:
   A) Suggest the children spend the night
   B) Cross your fingers and hope for the best
   C) Call another driver or the police and risk getting fired 
   
   My answer: C. It seems the most responsible answer.
    


2. You fall in love, but all your friends hate him or her. 
   Do you:
   A) Get new friends
   B) Suggest that your lover change their personality
   C) Keep the two worlds separate
   
   My answer: D. I realize there is no "D", but there is an essential choice that was left out: "D: Ditch the loser!". The wiser course may be to listen to your friends. They can often see things in a person that you might be blinded to. If my friends are generally dim-witted buffoons whose opinions I never trusted, I'd go with "C".
    


3. Your brother is a banker who has profited from the economic collapse. He offers to share his profits with you. 
   Do you:
   A) Turn him in
   B) Give your share to charity
   C) Refuse the gift but remain silent
   
   My answer: C. The money is tainted. Let him keep it all.
    


4. Your neighbor has the same house and mortgage as you, but has refinanced in order to purchase a new car, swimming pool, and flat screen TV. He is now broke and requesting publicly financed debt forgiveness. 
   Do you:
   A) Let him sink—it was his own greed that got him into this mess
   B) Forgive his debt—a homeless person will become a financial drain on everyone—and hope that he knows better next time
   C) Offer to take his car and TV in exchange for forgiveness
   
   My answer: A. Debt forgiveness isn't mine to dish out to anyone, since nothing is directly owed to me. I don't have the power to forgive his debt, so I assume he might just be looking for a conscience salve.
    


5. You can see into the future, and you have the opportunity to tell your friends what will happen to them and when. 
   Do you:
   A) Tell them only the good news
   B) Keep everything to yourself
   C) Let them face the truth, however unpleasant
   
   My answer: B. Agreeing with Quell, this would ultimately depend on if knowing the future would empower you to change it. If by knowing one could change the future, then I'd tell them. If nothing could be changed, I'd keep everything to myself.
    


6. You discover through a bureaucratic error that you are receiving free phone, cable, electricity, and gas. 
   Do you:
   A) Correct the error
   B) Feign ignorance and tell no-one
   C) Share everything with your neighbors
   
   My answer: A. This is theft, no matter how you look at it (Texas Penal Code, Section 31.04). Two wrongs, you know...
    


7. Your grandfather, on his deathbed, tells you he never liked you. 
   Do you:
   A) Stoically let him get it off his chest
   B) Assume he's demented
   C) Tell him the feeling is mutual
   
   My answer: A. His opinion only. In a few minutes, he'll be standing before his Maker, and he'll see the truth then.
    


8. A man on an airplane confesses to you that he has committed a truly horrible crime. 
   Do you:
   A) Leave justice in the hands of God
   B) Surreptitiously turn in the guilty party
   C) Ask to change seats
   
   My answer: B. It's not just the job of the criminal justice system to bring wrongdoers to justice. If you have special knowledge, it's your job, through whatever means you can safely make it known.
    


9. You are accosted in a dark alley by 3 armed youths who demand your wallet—but, unknown to them, you are carrying a semi-automatic weapon. 
   Do you:
   A) Administer justice—shoot first
   B) Pull your weapon but offer to leave peacefully
   C) Give them your wallet and avoid confrontation
   
   My answer: A. You never know if "B" will work or not, so the only option which will guarantee that I go home this night is to shoot first.
    


10. Alien invaders threaten to turn everyone into mindless drones—but everyone will get rich. 
    Do you:
    A) Take the money and adapt
    B) Fight to the death and stay poor
    C) Fake adaptation
    
    My answer: B. Some things are more important that safety and money. Freedom comes to the fore...
     


11. You stumble upon evidence that your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you, but he or she is just about to take you on a trip that you've been waiting for your whole life. 
    Do you:
    A) Wait and confront them during the trip
    B) Confront them now and risk the trip
    C) Enjoy the trip and hope that it was just a temporary thing 
    
    My answer: D: Confront them after you return from the trip. I've always had a penchant for poetic justice. With a forced choice though, I'd have to go with "B". I don't think I could enjoy the trip with that knowledge unless I knew the tables would turn when we got back.
     


12. You're on an airplane—the beautiful woman or man seated next to you falls asleep and starts to lean on you. 
    Do you:
    A) Smoothly put your arm around him or her
    B) Wedge a pillow in between the two of you as a divider
    C) Wake the person up and then return to your reading
    
    My answer: B. This assumes that doing nothing and simply enjoying the situation as it is would not be a choice.
     


13. You're in line at the train station, you're late, and a little man, feigning ignorance, cuts in front of you. 
    Do you:
    A) Ignore him; it's not worth a scene
    B) Shout, "Hey buddy, the end of the line is back there"
    C) Reciprocate—cut in front of him
    
    My answer: B or C. "B" seems to be the gutsier response, but "C" seems the more just.
     


14. You can save the lives of hundreds of people, but you must kill your own mother. 
    Do you:
    A) Do nothing, as you value family above all else
    B) Beg forgiveness, but do the deed
    C) Suggest that Mom decide for herself
    
    My answer: B. I find it hard to believe that such a limited-choice scenario would ever exist in reality, while they are frequent in "24" and the Spiderman movies. Mom would agree with the choice, and if she disagrees...well, she's a selfish pig who should die.
     


15. You have the opportunity to make a lot of money, but you will lose all your friends. 
    Do you:
    A) Assume that you will make new friends
    B) Ignore temptation, as you value your friendships
    C) Take the money, live frugally, and don't tell your friends 
    
    My answer: B.  "C", as an answer, doesn't fit the question. I don't see an option in the question to keep the information from your friends, therefore having your cake and eating it, too.

 

Looking Out for #2

I've embarked on an adventure, the scope of which is breathtaking, the breadth of which is ambitious. I am seeking teach my children to overcome their inborn selfish tendencies.

Given the chances for success, I might as well be trying to cure cancer, discover perpetual motion, or find an honest politician. The foolhardiness of this venture is illustrated that in my nearly half-century of living (cringe), I have personally failed to get a grip on my own selfish inclinations. Apparently, the best that we can hope for in this life is to lessen the control that selfishness has over our day-to-day existence. These days, even a slight advantage in this area will set you up with a saintly appearance amongst your peers. Saintly, or suckerly, that is.

Part of overcoming my own selfish inclinations includes sacrificing my right to recompense, restitution and revenge. I must learn to tolerate the losers, the inconsiderate, the hyper-selfish amongst us. This includes:

1. Idiots that talk on cell phones in certain public places - Waiting lines are especially painful places to listen to other people's stupid cell phone conversations. The more bland and insipid the conversation, the more painful to endure. I was once subjected to an old man's cell phone conversation in a post office waiting line, which is one of the quietest places on earth, second only to a high school classroom after the teacher asks a question. Old people don't know how to talk in hushed tones, so by the end of his conversation, I was wondering how many people in line would join me in beating him up.


2. Idiots that merge at the last minute - When two lanes merge down to one, courtesy dictates that you merge ASAP, not ride the dying lane to it's end and then expect to merge ahead of the whole line of more considerate drivers. It never fails that some sucker will be nice and let this loser in, so the lesson is never learned and they continue to see the benefits to being a total selfish jerk. There is nothing more prone to inspire road rage in me than this.


3. Idiots that play loud music at stop lights - Even if you had good taste in music--which you do not--I wouldn't want to listen to it at this volume. In fact, all I can hear is your thumping sub-woofer. Whatever you are trying to prove, the only thing we're understanding is that you are a self-obsessed jerk. The one justice is that you will probably lose your hearing soon and won't be able to enjoy music at all. 

There's room on this list for many other idiots, but these are the ones that get my goat with the fiercest intensity. 

In a house full of people, which mine is, you cannot afford to have each member of the household acting independently, each seeking his own, each looking out for only himself. That would never work. You must work to serve the Collective. Resistance is futile.

Actually, the lesson I want these kids to learn is that we are to emulate someone who never had a selfish thought in his life. He lived his life fully and completely for others, and we are to follow that model in our own pitiful, stunted way. I say "pitiful" and "stunted", for trying to live like Christ lived is not nearly as easy as modeling the picking style of Geddy Lee or learning to slap and tap like Victor Wooten. Instead of this easy, it seems impossible. Burdened by a nature that wants to serve #1 and #1 alone, we have to take self out to the woodshed and do some butt-whoopin'. Usually with me, the butt-whoopin' stuff goes a little both ways. Sometimes it's me doing the whoopin', other times it's me getting whooped. I know who must come out on top though, so I keep working on my moves.

It's a battle we must fight on principle, whether the chances of winning are good or not. So when you find yourself on the front lines, and you look around and see that those to your left and to your right have retreated, leaving you all alone, determine to press ahead anyway. Living a selfish life just puts you into the same large, misguided group as everyone else, and someone needs to set the example for the undisciplined masses.

Having trouble getting motivated? Watch this commercial from Liberty Mutual (and the one after it). I'm inspired by it (them) every time I see it (them).  

 

 

The Phantom Vibe

For as long as I have had a cell phone (almost 10 years), I have understood the value of the vibe-mode. I am constantly in places where I don't want the phone to ring, yet I can't always afford to be out of contact for that length of time. I may be on-call or I may just want to be available for the kids. Putting my phone on vibe has been a big help in these situations. Given that I have almost always kept my phone in a case on my belt, it's not hard to sense the vibe and answer within the first ring or two. 

Within the last 3 generations of phones I've used (BlackBerry, KRAZR, and before that, the classic RAZR), I've noticed that I will often sense a vibe when no vibe has occurred. I termed this the "phantom vibe". In conversations with a co-worker, I have discovered that he, too, experiences the phantom vibe on occasion. His situation is the same: he keeps his phone in a case on his belt. We've both marveled at the weirdness of it all. It's all too easy to experience the phantom vibe when I'm driving somewhere, but vibrations of the vehicle are easily transferred to the buckle of the seat belt creating a real sensation that actually masks real phone vibrations, so I take the phone out, put it on ring, and stick it somewhere on the console.

There are a lot of people with phones that obsessively check their phone, as if missing a call or a text would ruin their day and send their social life into a disastrous tailspin (It won't happen, people. Remember what life was like before your cell phone?). The phantom vibe has nothing to do with that peculiarity. It is an actual sensation of a vibration happening on your hip, not an obsessiveness of phone checkage. 

Well, if the phantom vibe isn't strange enough, I experienced something yesterday that trumps even that. I first noticed it as I was quietly enjoying a nice, shady spot at Greenwood (a cemetery in Fort Worth). I quietly waited for the cemetery crew to arrive and close my grave, and as I waited I noticed a vibration in my knee. I reach down to the area that was supposedly vibrating to determine if it were a real vibration or some freaky neural thing, and it moves further down my leg. Another time, it quits altogether. When I just sat there, assuming a position of indifference, it would return, along and about the vicinity of my knee. This story only gets weirder when you consider that the vibration was pulsing, just like my BlackBerry. There would be about 2.5 seconds of vibe, 2.5 seconds of nothing, then 2.5 seconds of vibe, which sort of added an air of man-madeness to it all. The pattern was continual, so whatever call I was receiving through my knee was not going to voicemail. At about the same time, I received a real call on my BB, and the timing of the vibes was remarkably similar, if not nearly identical.

When I got back to the office, I told a co-worker about the phantom vibe and my new phantom knee vibe experience. She starts telling me stories of folks back home that hear voices of people in their heads, as if my tale and their tales are similar. I quickly dismiss the comparison.

Not much later, as I sit at my desk, the knee vibe starts again. I reach down again, and it disappears, as if to elude detection and remove any evidence of its realness. I've had muscle twitches in my arms and legs before, and when you look down you can actually see the muscle going tick, tick, tick. None of that here. This thing is far smarter than that. Then I take my phone off my belt and place it on my desk, which is my desperate attempt to determine causality, as if my BlackBerry will possibly cause my knee to vibrate. The vibe remains. I then force myself to ignore it and it eventually goes away, though I don't remember when.

As of right now, it's gone. I have no doubts it will return.