Looking Out for #2

I've embarked on an adventure, the scope of which is breathtaking, the breadth of which is ambitious. I am seeking teach my children to overcome their inborn selfish tendencies.

Given the chances for success, I might as well be trying to cure cancer, discover perpetual motion, or find an honest politician. The foolhardiness of this venture is illustrated that in my nearly half-century of living (cringe), I have personally failed to get a grip on my own selfish inclinations. Apparently, the best that we can hope for in this life is to lessen the control that selfishness has over our day-to-day existence. These days, even a slight advantage in this area will set you up with a saintly appearance amongst your peers. Saintly, or suckerly, that is.

Part of overcoming my own selfish inclinations includes sacrificing my right to recompense, restitution and revenge. I must learn to tolerate the losers, the inconsiderate, the hyper-selfish amongst us. This includes:

1. Idiots that talk on cell phones in certain public places - Waiting lines are especially painful places to listen to other people's stupid cell phone conversations. The more bland and insipid the conversation, the more painful to endure. I was once subjected to an old man's cell phone conversation in a post office waiting line, which is one of the quietest places on earth, second only to a high school classroom after the teacher asks a question. Old people don't know how to talk in hushed tones, so by the end of his conversation, I was wondering how many people in line would join me in beating him up.


2. Idiots that merge at the last minute - When two lanes merge down to one, courtesy dictates that you merge ASAP, not ride the dying lane to it's end and then expect to merge ahead of the whole line of more considerate drivers. It never fails that some sucker will be nice and let this loser in, so the lesson is never learned and they continue to see the benefits to being a total selfish jerk. There is nothing more prone to inspire road rage in me than this.


3. Idiots that play loud music at stop lights - Even if you had good taste in music--which you do not--I wouldn't want to listen to it at this volume. In fact, all I can hear is your thumping sub-woofer. Whatever you are trying to prove, the only thing we're understanding is that you are a self-obsessed jerk. The one justice is that you will probably lose your hearing soon and won't be able to enjoy music at all. 

There's room on this list for many other idiots, but these are the ones that get my goat with the fiercest intensity. 

In a house full of people, which mine is, you cannot afford to have each member of the household acting independently, each seeking his own, each looking out for only himself. That would never work. You must work to serve the Collective. Resistance is futile.

Actually, the lesson I want these kids to learn is that we are to emulate someone who never had a selfish thought in his life. He lived his life fully and completely for others, and we are to follow that model in our own pitiful, stunted way. I say "pitiful" and "stunted", for trying to live like Christ lived is not nearly as easy as modeling the picking style of Geddy Lee or learning to slap and tap like Victor Wooten. Instead of this easy, it seems impossible. Burdened by a nature that wants to serve #1 and #1 alone, we have to take self out to the woodshed and do some butt-whoopin'. Usually with me, the butt-whoopin' stuff goes a little both ways. Sometimes it's me doing the whoopin', other times it's me getting whooped. I know who must come out on top though, so I keep working on my moves.

It's a battle we must fight on principle, whether the chances of winning are good or not. So when you find yourself on the front lines, and you look around and see that those to your left and to your right have retreated, leaving you all alone, determine to press ahead anyway. Living a selfish life just puts you into the same large, misguided group as everyone else, and someone needs to set the example for the undisciplined masses.

Having trouble getting motivated? Watch this commercial from Liberty Mutual (and the one after it). I'm inspired by it (them) every time I see it (them).