Where's the grave of Nick Beef?

I realize that this reference is absolutely lost on most of you who would read this.

Today I revisited a popular tourist destination on the east side of Fort Worth.

One day, early in my tenure as a death services merchant, I had a service at Rose Hill Cemetery. Rose Hill's family services flunky was at the grave afterwards, waiting with me for the cemetery workers to come and close the grave. I asked him,"Where's Oswald's grave?"

He replied, "Well, we've been asked by the family not to give out that information. Would you like to know where the grave for Nick Beef is?"

"Sure," I said. He gave me directions and I found it. You may not have guessed this, but Oswald's grave, coincidentally, is right next to Nick Beef. What are the chances of that?

The wintery grass around the grave is mashed flat. It is certainly the most visited grave in that cemetery, and probably in the whole city.

Reports say that the marker has been stolen repeatedly. Most recently, it was cemented in the ground, but that wouldn't stop a determined thief, 'cause it's a small stone. This appears to be a newer stone than the first one I saw.

Note:  Factually, the Family Services Flunky may have mentioned the grave on the other side of Oswald, somebody named Hays. Not having perfect recall of the event, I have inserted the name of Nick Beef, who resides on Oswald's other side.

Pearls of Wisdom for the Up-And-Coming Generation

Not knowing anything interesting to post on my xanga since Autumn's untimely demise, I've decided to offer some advice to the younger generation. Having already lived through the hardest part of my life (I hope), I would hope to save some of you guys from repeating all of my mistakes.

I realize that this may be a totally foolhardy venture. Young folks aren't known for their willingness to listen to, much less heed, advice from their seniors. I was there once. I understand. I, too, once thought I didn't need to hear from anyone older, and therefore more out-of-touch with reality, than myself. Later, it became obvious that these were the notions of ignorant, impetuous youth, not wisdom. Hearing this will convince no one, I'm sure. I offer it just the same, because I know it's good advice. Ignore it at your own peril.

Pearl #1 - Cultivate discipline early in your life .

It's a lot easier than trying to later in life when you realize that you're an undisciplined oaf. Learn to control your urges. Say no to yourself. When I say this, I mean all your urges. Make yourself skip a meal when you want to eat, just to prove you can. Forego the fun thing for something productive or helpful to someone else. Be the master of your appetites.

 

Pearl #2 - Always think before speaking.

This is a hard one to master. It's not necessarily a bad thing not to speak at every instance. If you can't think of anything worthwhile to say, don't say anything. I'm not necessarily referring to hurtful things. I'm also referring to stupid things. The thing which will most quickly prove that you are a  fool is your own mouth.

Pearl #3 - Learn contentment.

If you can't be happy with what you have now, you will never be happy with what you will have later. Never.

(more to come)

Down and Out in Fort Worth

This sign is at the intersection of 12th and Rosedale. The other day, I saw a woman relieving herself next to it. She was leaning against the sign, relieving herself, with her clothes still on. She appeared to have been living the hard life on the streets.

It was sad. I didn't know what to do. Probably nothing to do.