A Taste for Justice

On my daily commute, there is a stretch of road adjacent to a construction zone where the two lanes going each way have been limited to one in each direction. The people who travel this road daily know about this area; it’s been this way for 6 months or more already. This road has a half-mile straightaway leading up to the merge and morning traffic can back up and cover this straightaway. Every morning that the traffic backs up like this, there are drivers that will camp out in that dwindling lane as they drive through, blocking the idiot drivers’ attempts to jump to the front of the line. I’ve done this myself, and those who also do it are my heroes in the same way that soldiers are. They are the defenders of the masses. They have a thirst for justice that I also have: to see that the commuters waiting in this line of traffic aren’t ripped off by a few selfish (insert profane epithet here). We all long for justice and enjoy seeing justice prevail. It's just that we have different opinions on what justice is. Justice, it seems, is a matter of perspective.

Actually, what we want is selective justice. Justice--real justice--isn’t so pleasing. It applies to all of us equally. We rarely see pure justice. What we see is corrupted with leniency, favoritism, self-servitude and bias.

Our morals are generally inconsistent, too. Standards or opinions we don’t agree with are wrong. On one side, we say that homosexuality is immoral. On the other side, they are saying that intolerance and hatred are wrong. Some libertines would have us believe that morality is relative and that multiple, contradictory standards can coexist, but that makes no sense. Something deep inside each of us knows that there is an absolute standard out there somewhere, something that ties it all together and sweeps away the confusion and disarray. We just don’t know what that standard is. We don’t know, or we don’t want to know.

Some people would say that Christianity is one of these morally inconsistent viewpoints. We set up our rules that make us look good and others look bad. Our standards make sinners out of those we disagree with and saints out of those like us. This point of view is based in ignorance. The foundation upon which Christianity rests is the Bible--the Word of God. The Word of God is that Absolute Standard. It ties everything together and makes better sense of many things in this world that are puzzling. Our inability to maintain that standard or our unwillingness to acknowledge its authority does not change what it is. Also, read it cover to cover and you won't find the picture of justice as we would have it; it's not there. Instead you find God's justice, and God’s justice is perfect and is based on His holy, unwavering standard.

Yet we still want that relativistic justice, custom made to fit our particular weaknesses and strengths. The problem is that wavering mores and relativistic justice have no place in the economy of a God who is the same yesterday, today and forever. We are all guilty of failing to meet this holy, unwavering standard. Sooner or later, we will all stand before God’s throne. Before the bench of this Holy Judge, we will be without defense. The boldness with which we defend our warped views today will evaporate, for the Holy Judge will demand respect in his Court, and in His Court there is only one opinion.  All of His attributes are flawless and He can exist perfect in every regard, without contradiction, without inconsistency. He holds us to the standard of His Word, and He maintains this standard, not lowering it at any point. Yet we are not without hope As God is perfect in His justice, He is also perfect in His love, and the part of God that is perfect in love is willing to pay debt of those who come to him in humility and repentance.

Those who have made their peace with God and have allowed Him to reform their lives find that they have had their thirst for justice refocused. They want to see God’s will done on earth as it is in heaven. They have read the end of the book and know that day is coming when all things will be made new, yet the longing remains in the here and now. We long for justice, not that we may see wrongdoers punished, but that we may see the will of our holy and righteous Judge done. We echo the words found in Amos 5:24:

...Let justice roll down like waters

And righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

Looking to that day when justice prevails and to when peace--real peace--finally comes, we also echo the words of John the Apostle:

Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus

I long for that day. Sometimes my heart aches in anticipation. I know that God's patience will not endure forever. I know that the evildoers of this world are storing up wrath for that day. I know that righteousness will ultimately prevail. As I long for that day and acknowledge all of these things, I would also like to add the words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard:

Make it so.

The Man in the Mirror

When you are my age, nearing the half-century mark (which is, by the way, 1/20th of a millennium), you notice that time has left its mark on you. The youthful appearance you once possessed has fled. All that is left is the haggard, road-weary countenance of someone much older than you feel. Where did that kid get off to?

Having absconded with your appearance, the kid also took other things, pilfering here and there as he laid his plans to leave town. My youthful vigor? Gone. My sense of adventure? Gone, too. Various and sundry passions? Also gone. Many of the things which associated me with those post-pubescent years, the sunrise years of adulthood, are missing.

Decay is a sad thing to behold. It’s usually not noticed unless time is condensed. Take two periods of time, years distant from one another. Remove everything in between so they sit side-by-side and the comparison will show you that time ravages everything it touches, and it touches everything. Your childhood home, once sheltering loved ones from the elements and from ruffians, now falls into a heap. Go to a class reunion and see how the beautiful young women have devolved into middle-aged has-beens, rode hard and put up wet. Handsome young men have been replaced by beer-bellied, bald-headed old men with puffy jowls and gym bags under their eyes.

Old age also leads its victims into a delusional state. They disregard the evidences of age and feel as if time has not moved along. Women think they are still hot. Men have dreams of easily winning the affections of younger women. Tricked by time, these poor souls wander to and fro, sweating drops of desperation. The odor can be sickening to those grounded in reality, but more often it results in pity. Poor oblivious suckers.

Hopefully as we age, our tastes mature. Women aren’t compelled to dress in ridiculous ways. Men compare the ages of younger women to their children and grandchildren. Unable to defeat Father Time, we invite him in for a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. We will hopefully acknowledge that aging gracefully is to be coveted and revered. Time marches on, so deal with it. As for me, I feel like a twenty-something in the body of a forty-something. I’ve never felt older. Granted, I do look older, but what can I do about that? A radical comb-over? A neglected membership at a gym? No, I choose to accept the hand I’m dealt. While I will not choose to advance the process of advancing by dissipation, I will deal with life as it comes and I will seek to enjoy it until it ends.

When the inevitability of aging surrounds us and we aren’t swept away by delusion, we will either succumb to defeat and allow it to rob our life of joy and meaning or we will embrace it as being part of that life. Getting old has always been a part of life. The only ones who have left this life without doing battle with Father Time have left it prematurely, not having seen what many believe to be the best years of it all. Getting old has is rewards, too. Older people have confidence. They have wisdom (hopefully). They have experience. They have good friendships that have endured for years and shine like hand-rubbed mahogany. Older people can slow down and enjoy the richness of life, savoring each moment. All young people have is looks and energy.

Old people that load up in a motor home and tool around the country, spending the wealth they’ve acquired over the last 30 or 40 years of saving, are shameful. Seniors should be plugged in to younger generations, teaching and passing on wisdom, not tooling around in a gashog monstrosity, feasting on the fat of the land. Senior adults who live this self-indulgent type of life are partially responsible for the ignorance of present generations. We are presently raising children and young adults on a diet that is free of wisdom. Experience is not always the best teacher. Someone else’s experience is usually better, granted we have the smarts to learn from their mistakes.

I said that old, selfish people are only partially responsible for the ignorance of present generations. This is because younger generations bask in their ignorance. They proudly look on previous generations as more ignorant and without anything of value to offer them. These unteachable masses will soon enough reap a harvest of pain and suffering, without anyone to blame but themselves.

So I look in the mirror and wonder at the value of those lines, the sagging flesh, and those latter-day bulges. If I consider myself wiser than I was--if I consider each trial, each tribulation to be of value--then I’ve done well. One cannot hang onto youth any more than you can hold water in your hand. It slips through, no matter how hard you try to keep it. If you are one of those rare young people who covet wisdom and the richness which maturity bring to life, be patient. There is no fast track, no shortcut, to wisdom. There are shorter routes, but even the shortest routes are decades long.

The best advice I can give a younger person is to be mindful of who you are and where you are at all times. Think long and hard about what kind of person you want to be, and let everything you do move you toward that goal. Be today's version of the kind of person you want to be.  It is my hope that you never reach that specific goal. My hope is that by the time you get there, you have fine-tuned that goal at regular intervals, replacing unimportant features with more important ones as your priorities have changed, as you have matured. I am nothing like I wanted to be in my youth, but I’m happy where I am and I have no regrets.

No regrets. I like the sound of that. I’d rather have that than youth any day.

On Raising Children - Part III - Nuts and Bolts

 

One thing you learn as you compare your child rearing ideas with others is just how unique these ideas and the methods used to employ them are. Given the difference in all this, everyone is an expert if only in the realm of their own experience. What you must force yourself to examine is not all the talk or all the neat sounding ideas, but the fruit of the parents labors. All the talk and all the high-minded notions are worthless in parenting if they don’t produce the goods. In this case, I consider “the goods” to be well-adjusted, well-mannered children, ready for inclusion in the human race. I have seen many, many, many parents who talk a good game but just don’t deliver at the plate. Matthew 7:17 says that “...every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” This applies as well in judging parenting methods: look for the fruit.

Before you ever have your first child, you should have made certain decisions about how that child will be trained and taught. The training of a child is work--hard work. It requires a firm hand that will consistently enforce the rules of the house that have been set in place to bring about this predetermined training and teaching. Establishing and maintaining these standards will require the use of force.

I once worked for a private security company, protecting the assets and lives of a wealthy family. Every work day, before our shift would begin. we would discuss certain things in a roll call meeting. Some were specific, relating to this particular company’s activities. Others were general, relating more to security and law enforcement topics. One day a supervisor presented information on what he called the Ladder of Force. This demonstrated how the use of force follows a progression beginning with the physical presence of the officer and ending with deadly force. The general idea was that a proper response worked upward on the ladder using only as much force as any situation dictated, but escalating the use of force as necessary to gain the compliance of the adversary. With children, you don’t really have a good guy/bad guy situation, although at times it seems to be just that. You are training, guiding, and educating this child on how they should behave. You are creating structure where there is none. You are creating order from chaos. In order to accomplish this effectively, you must sometimes ascend the Ladder of Force. Be prepared to use your muscle to make it happen. Corporal punishment is the best way to speak to younger children who don’t yet have the ability to reason. There is no other path.

You should completely disregard those who say that spanking teaches a child violence. That is foolishness, steeped in ignorance. A child that is allowed to defy authority has a heart that is filled with violence. It has never been necessary to be taught violence. It is the fruit of human nature when it is allowed to ferment without constraint. The purpose of discipline is neither to violate, to damage, nor to abuse. It is to enforce compliance to a standard.

So, preparing to be a parent, whether actively or academically, should involve deciding how you want your child to behave and determining and applying methods to make that happen. It is a wrong-headed notion that children have all this goodness inside of them and if we just let them grow up unfettered, they will turn out just fine. (When I say “wrong-headed”, you can assume I’m also saying, stupid, idiotic, naive or moronic.)  I would suggest getting over these free-thinking notions, getting ready to work at parenting, and getting a plan drawn up which will help you to attain your goal.

Here's my starter list. Though not perfect, this is a good list to start with because each of these items focus on character traits that the entirety of humanity would benefit from modeling. Realizing that values differ from person to person, I can’t offer a list that would be perfectly suitable for everyone, but I’m going to offer a few things I’ve tried to teach my children.  If you’re wondering about the “tried to” caveat, go back to Part II and read the first paragraph about the boiling cauldron. I wish the things in this list were universally accepted as essential. Perhaps when the masses read this treatise, the trend will begin moving that way.

1. Telling the Truth. - Lying is one of the biggest impediments to parenting.  In many situations, you need to know the truth, but there is no way of divining it aside from their confession, and somewhere along the way, your cute little child has become a lying, deceitful little bugger. Early on, you need to establish this beachhead of truthfulness. Many of your other efforts will hinge on this, so don’t discount its importance. The most difficult aspect of this will be having your children be truthful while upholding the consequences for certain actions. Self-preservation will drive a child to lie like a senator under oath. Casting the moral importance for truthfulness in spite of consequences is important. Psalm 15, in describing the upright man, says that he “swears to his own hurt and does not change.” This idea of doing the right thing even if it hurts may be foreign to some folks, but remains an essential hallmark for decent humanity.


2. Making Amends. - You don’t have to be a recovering drunk, slogging your way through the 12 steps, to reap the benefits of making amends. When you have wronged someone, whether by deed or word, then you should make that right, repairing the situation through a sincere mea culpa. “I am sorry” means nothing except that you regret something has happened. It doesn’t establish your guilt and show you have accepted responsibility. “Please forgive me” is more appropos. Accepting responsibility for our actions means that these actions are dealt with by the parties directly involved. If your actions have caused loss of a material nature, then it is necessary to offer restitution. We should all strive to keep a clear conscience. If we deal with situations where we have wronged others, then there will be nothing hidden--no skeletons in that proverbial closet for others to drag out to haunt us. This lesson is very hard to learn as an adult and is better learned as a child.


3. Respect for Others - Many of these ideas could be sub-classified under this one, but it warrants mention on its own. Having a basic respect for others is why people are courteous. It is why they aren’t rude or self-serving. I heard one man refer to this as remembering the preciousness of others. Everyone you meet was fashioned by the hands of the same Creator. This gives them value. Humility and deference is one of the most noble, most sincerely good attributes we can display. It exemplifies the antithesis of the all-too-common selfish nature that runs rampant in humanity. By showing respect for others, you are showing yourself and these others that you have risen above your baser nature. You are showing them that they are important, and they are seeing by your behavior that you are as well. I could go on about this one forever, but this will do for now.


4. Respect for Authority - This notion has been undermined since the late ‘60s, but needs to see a resurgence. Fixing this in the minds of your children requires a respect for you as the parent first. You are their first and foremost authority, and you must command and demand their respect, yet respect must be earned, so strive to deserve it. If they don’t respect you, they will probably not respect other authorities either. Since we, now and forever, live under authority of one kind or another, willingly subjecting ourselves to this is an act of self-preservation. This also means we respect authority even if we don’t respect the person in that position. Authority is established by God, too (Romans 13:1-7), and those in authority will be held accountable for how they handled that responsibility.


5. Self-Control - Maintaining a controlling grip on the beast that resides in each of us is a tall order. If we can simply not allow that beast to run amok, that is good, but if we can harness our desires and make them subject to what we know is their proper use, we will have accomplished a great feat and will save ourselves from a lifetime of woe, pain and regrets. We must learn to say “no” to our darker sides. We must also learn to control our tongue. This not only means not saying the wrong thing, but talking too much in general (Proverbs 10:19). Self-control in all areas of our lives is important. One way I try to exercise this is by saying “no” to things that really don’t matter that much. If I want to stop on the way home and get myself a fizzy beverage, this really doesn’t matter, morally speaking, yet by saying “no” to that simple desire, I have established control of my desire. It doesn’t control me. If you can do it at this level, you can move up the Ladder of Control, establishing self-control at progressively higher levels. Teach your kids the meaning of “no”. Teach them the meaning of “not now.” Teach them that throwing a fit in response to either of these is totally and completely unacceptable.
   


6. A Healthy Work Ethic - Work, like authority, cannot be escaped. We all are called to work in different ways for different reasons. Helping your children to see the value in working and working hard will make them useful to you, to their families, to their employer, and to society as a whole. Laziness is a cancer that must be excised, medicated, radiated and obliterated at all costs. This is supported by biblical teaching: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Give your children responsibility early on in their lives and make them progressively responsible for more things and more important things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child helping out with the work around the house. Teach them to do things, to do them correctly, and to do them with a good attitude. Teach your kids this and they will sing your praises when they are older and the fruits of their responsibility have ripened.

There are many, many other things that could be on this list, but this is a good start. If our kids can grasp these things, they will be well on their way to acceptable adulthood. You may also be able to forgo that locking-them-in-the-basement thing.

I'll leave you with this, a method for raising teenagers. I heard it from Chuck Swindoll, who was apparently quoting Mark Twain. He said that when your child turns thirteen, you should lock them in a barrel and feed them through the hole. When they turn sixteen, stop up the hole.