Something to Think About

It's nice to have those centering moments, those when you evaluate your life and where you stand in the cosmos and give yourself new direction when necessary. It's also nice to be assured that these moments make you a better person. For me, it's not necessarily a quest for self-improvement. It's a quest to focus on what's important and what's not.

Putting things in perspective helps. If you realize that this entire universe, in its immensity and infinity, sits in a dark corner of God's eye, it gives you perspective. When you consider that the Creator could make such a universe, limitless in size, and that this universe would still be miniscule in comparison to His greatness, this gives you perspective. I find it unbelievable that so many can invert this notion, making themselves bigger and more important that God. Though I wish on no one eternal judgement, I find such a sentence just in light of the violation. Remember the perspective.

With regularity, I also try and remind myself that I am here for God's purposes. This makes a lot of things that seem important really pointless and cheap. We give a lot of thought to clothes, houses, cars, phones and other things. These things won't even exist in eternity. They barely exist here, most having such a short useful life. Yet we give them preeminence over things that are more weighty, more lasting, more important. The things that last forever, we push aside. If our priorities were in the right place, we would put all of our energy and all of our resources into people. That "we" most assuredly includes me. I spend most of my time thinking about how I dislike people and how much I like things that don't talk. In trying to maintain this perspective that places people first, I feel like I walk a narrow path which falls off steeply on both sides. One step to the left or the right and I find myself scrambling for all I'm worth to get back on top. Most of the time, I'm content just to roll to the bottom and stay there.

Yet here I sit at my desk. I look around me and in all corners I see things, not people. It's easy to lose perspective. When I'm surrounded by people, I'm not thinking about them as people though. I'm thinking about them as obstacles, traffic cones to be steered around. Yet what I'm really thinking is that I'm bigger than they are. My goals, the tasks at my hand, are more important. Then, if I have a moment of clarity, I notice that I'm looking through the binoculars backwards like a doofus. I pull them away from my eyes and see that we--myself and those around me--are the same size. We are crossing paths on the way from our Points A to our Points B and we all have our eyes fixed on Point B. I look back and see a hand resting on my shoulder, having just shaken me awake. This wasn't my great idea, putting people first. I would never have such a thought. Yet it is a good idea and I'll do what I can to move in that direction.

So what do you do when you make your way through the teeming masses, everyone with their head to the ground, plowing their way through the throng? What I try to do is to make contact with these people. Eye contact is a first. You have to be actively searching for this, too. Verbal contact, when possible, is next. I'm not talking about establishing deep, lasting friendships with all or any of these people. What I'm talking about is acknowledging that they exist and forcing them to acknowledge that you exist. Add value to their life by noticing it. Toss out a friendly word and see if the cat licks it up.

Many years ago, I saw a commercial that I remember with clarity (I wasted quite a lot of time looking for it this morning with zero success). An old woman, matronly in figure, obviously not getting about with the ease of her younger years, is walking down the sidewalk. She passes a young, nice-looking man who catches her eye and says, "Hey there, good looking!" In the next scene, you see her, spirits buoyed by the contact, telling her friend on the phone about the encounter. During all of this, a voice-over is selling long distance service, insurance, investment brokering or Mormonism, but that's not the important part of the commercial. The message is obvious: you can make someone's day with a simple word and simply noticing they are there. I've wanted to try this, but I just don't think I can pull it off. I'm not really sure how important the young, good-looking man aspect is in the equation. Since I don't meet that requirement, if I tried, I'd probably get a face full of pepper spray. One of these days, I'll try it anyway. No guts, no glory, right?

So I offer you this challenge: as you move about, going from A to B, take notice of those around you. As you purposely seek eye contact, when you find it, say "Hi" to that person. Any other variation will work, too: "Hi there", "Howdy", "Hey", or for the truly bold, "Hey there, good looking!".

 

Wedding Shoot #2

A couple of weekends ago today, I had just finished photographing my third wedding. With only three weddings under my belt, one being so long ago as to not be relevant, I am far from a veteran of the wedding shoot, but I'm getting there, closer and closer with every opportunity. This wedding found me more educated than the last, and the next will hopefully not be so far in the future that my experience will not remain beneficial.

(Photo to right: Me catching the maiden of honor as my assistant caught me.)

I did one thing at this wedding that I had read about, and the results were good enough that I will defininitely try it again. I set up a photo booth between the receiving line and the reception where I took a quick snap of all the wedding guests. I decided that table shots were a less-than-ideal way to photograph the guests. You always are catching someone with a mouth full of cake, or you have people on the wrong side of the table. You are also always asking someone to move around and do a better job of getting into the picture. I have always sensed that many people in that context consider the photograph to be a violation of their privacy, and if not that, then at least a disturbance of their peace. Circling the reception like a vulture, camera in hand, I feel like the unwanted guest of the wanted guests.

The photo booth was a success with only one slight exception. It was a last minute adaptation and I didn't have the opportunity to create or find a suitable backdrop. Instead, I used a utilitarian one: a wide spot in the hallway on the way to the reception hall. It worked. The controlled environment created some consistency in quality and some control, though you wouldn't believe how differences in skin color and the color of clothing can jerk things around, exposure-wise. There is nothing that will fool you camera's meter better than dark skin. The next time, I'd like to have the classic white backdrop or maybe a nice muslin. We'll see.

I turned a DVD over to the family today. There were 754 images that made the final cut. I could have cut more out, but I was satisfied with what was in that group. I realize that there is no way they will print all, or even most, of that 754, so I am happy with the overkill. Actually, I started editing with almost 1200 images. I had an assistant on this shoot, and between me and her, we were certainly victims of Digital Overkill*. After cutting the ones with soft focus (what a photographer calls those images he took which are out of focus, for whatever reason) and after cutting the ones that seemed particularly bad or unnecessary, I was left with 754 that I was unashamed of. The final word will be when the family reports back, either satisfied or dissatisfied. I will try and get an untainted opinion by not asking what they think, begging for a compliment.

Once again, this wedding shoot proved to be a marathon. I arrived at the church at 10:30am and left at around 5:30pm. Afterward, I let my camera sit untouched for two days, not looking at a single image until then. The culling/editing process took time. Photography is, after all, moonlighting for me, so I don't have huge slabs of time to devote to editing between gigs. Like the tortoise, slow and sure does the job. I finally finished and all that remains is to see if the family is satisfied.

Fingers are still crossed. I am, in all regards, still a novice.

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* - Digital Overkill: The tendency to shoot far more exposures than is necessary due to the ease of doing so with a digital camera. With film, photographers tended to be more judicious because of the cost of shooting, processing and printing lots of film. Digital cameras allow us to blast away, typically resulting in huge exposure count.

Wanting Things

It seems in life there should be some balance between lustful materialism and totally austere anti-materialism. After all, we need things to live, perhaps not as much as we have, but we still need things. The balance probably falls somewhere between never being satisfied with what you have and being satisfied with having nothing.

Morally speaking, I have done some soul searching and don't think that I have an unhealthy appetite for More and Better. I may be delusional, but when I want something, it is, most often, a something that will equip me to do another something, i.e., a tool of some kind. There have been other times when I realize the "tools" I have at present are so shoddily poor that I want to improve on what I have to hopefully improve my output. Generally, I am just happy if I have something that works.

I was having a discussion with Dale the other day. He asked me something that alluded to whether my wish list still had a bass guitar of some kind on it. I told him that since I had gotten the Lakland, I stopped looking at guitars. I told him that was sort of like marrying the right woman: when you find her, you know you've found her and you stop looking.

I recently purchased a new amp: a Gallien-Krueger MB-115. It is a 200-watt combo with one 15-inch speaker and a switchable horn (for high freqs). I played through one at Guitar Center a few months ago and loved its sound. I have barely used it, so I don't really have a good opinion, but I like it so far. Having this amplifier will hopefully mean that I stop looking at amps, too.

The gnostic notion that all material is bad and that we are spirits trapped in an evil, material world is silly and I don't hold to that at all.  However, I do believe that there is Christian teaching that counters materialism. It centers on the notion that God is our provider, that he both created and sustains life. When we think that we exist because of our own ingenuity and due to our own wits, we are deluded. Granted, we have responsibilities, but we make a grave mistake when we believe that we are self-made men. Since God is our provider and since he is sovereign over all things and since he is omniscient and knows all things, then he knows what we need and will provide for all our needs "according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).  He also provides us with the skills, gifts and the raw materials to do our own work, so ultimately nothing we do is of ourselves. By wanting more and more, we are saying that we are dissatisfied with God's provision. We are saying that we know better what it is we need than He does.

Truthfully, I didn't need either a Lakland 55-01 or a Gallien-Krueger MB-115. There are a lot of things in my life that are there, not out of necessity or need, but because they make life a little more enjoyable. I don't believe that life should be austere and that there is no room for pleasure and enjoyment. I just believe that in the midst of my consumption of the material bounty often found in this life, I should be both thankful and content: thankful to the Provider, and content that what he has provided is good enough.            

Put to the Test

I just found out that my Dad has prostate cancer, or as the country folks call it, "prostrate cancer". That knowledge was on my mind as I woke up, unable to return to sleep. I don't know what to think about this. I don't know what I should think about this.

Cancer these days is about death, not hope. All those license plates, all those bumper stickers, all those magnets and t-shirts, and what people think about when the topic of cancer comes up is death. That is because it is still the second biggest killer in America, just under heart disease. It also affects everyone, not just the elderly. Knowing this, when people hear the news that they have cancer, it is tantamount to a death sentence, and usually one not likely to experience parole.

I'm not afraid of death. I don't look forward to an unpleasant death, especially one that follows a lengthy illness, but I have no fear of the beyond. My only anxiety would be for what I leave behind: my family. I want to see them as far down the road as I can. I think my father feels the same way. My stepmother lost her youngest son to colon cancer a couple of years ago, at the young age of 27. Any anxiety at this point is mostly hers. If he has any, I'm guessing it is all on her behalf.

My mother died exactly ten years ago from a stroke. It was sudden and shocking, not prefaced by illness or obviously poor health. That's what most of us hope for: drifting off into eternity in our sleep, not wasting away in a bed, awaiting the knock of the Grim Reaper. Cancer usually offers only that:  your life ebbing away, your last days alive void of living. 

I'm thankful for hope in the life after this one. I'm thankful that the specter of The Big C cannot frighten me, yet I understand how people can be frightened about the arrival of the cancer into their lives. An unknown future of suffering a death of unknown proportions. The fear of an unknown future beyond the grave. Without hope, that would be a frightening prospect and a dark, long tunnel. Considering all of this, it's nice to know that if you're forced into that tunnel you won't be walking through the dark alone. 

A Taste for Justice

On my daily commute, there is a stretch of road adjacent to a construction zone where the two lanes going each way have been limited to one in each direction. The people who travel this road daily know about this area; it’s been this way for 6 months or more already. This road has a half-mile straightaway leading up to the merge and morning traffic can back up and cover this straightaway. Every morning that the traffic backs up like this, there are drivers that will camp out in that dwindling lane as they drive through, blocking the idiot drivers’ attempts to jump to the front of the line. I’ve done this myself, and those who also do it are my heroes in the same way that soldiers are. They are the defenders of the masses. They have a thirst for justice that I also have: to see that the commuters waiting in this line of traffic aren’t ripped off by a few selfish (insert profane epithet here). We all long for justice and enjoy seeing justice prevail. It's just that we have different opinions on what justice is. Justice, it seems, is a matter of perspective.

Actually, what we want is selective justice. Justice--real justice--isn’t so pleasing. It applies to all of us equally. We rarely see pure justice. What we see is corrupted with leniency, favoritism, self-servitude and bias.

Our morals are generally inconsistent, too. Standards or opinions we don’t agree with are wrong. On one side, we say that homosexuality is immoral. On the other side, they are saying that intolerance and hatred are wrong. Some libertines would have us believe that morality is relative and that multiple, contradictory standards can coexist, but that makes no sense. Something deep inside each of us knows that there is an absolute standard out there somewhere, something that ties it all together and sweeps away the confusion and disarray. We just don’t know what that standard is. We don’t know, or we don’t want to know.

Some people would say that Christianity is one of these morally inconsistent viewpoints. We set up our rules that make us look good and others look bad. Our standards make sinners out of those we disagree with and saints out of those like us. This point of view is based in ignorance. The foundation upon which Christianity rests is the Bible--the Word of God. The Word of God is that Absolute Standard. It ties everything together and makes better sense of many things in this world that are puzzling. Our inability to maintain that standard or our unwillingness to acknowledge its authority does not change what it is. Also, read it cover to cover and you won't find the picture of justice as we would have it; it's not there. Instead you find God's justice, and God’s justice is perfect and is based on His holy, unwavering standard.

Yet we still want that relativistic justice, custom made to fit our particular weaknesses and strengths. The problem is that wavering mores and relativistic justice have no place in the economy of a God who is the same yesterday, today and forever. We are all guilty of failing to meet this holy, unwavering standard. Sooner or later, we will all stand before God’s throne. Before the bench of this Holy Judge, we will be without defense. The boldness with which we defend our warped views today will evaporate, for the Holy Judge will demand respect in his Court, and in His Court there is only one opinion.  All of His attributes are flawless and He can exist perfect in every regard, without contradiction, without inconsistency. He holds us to the standard of His Word, and He maintains this standard, not lowering it at any point. Yet we are not without hope As God is perfect in His justice, He is also perfect in His love, and the part of God that is perfect in love is willing to pay debt of those who come to him in humility and repentance.

Those who have made their peace with God and have allowed Him to reform their lives find that they have had their thirst for justice refocused. They want to see God’s will done on earth as it is in heaven. They have read the end of the book and know that day is coming when all things will be made new, yet the longing remains in the here and now. We long for justice, not that we may see wrongdoers punished, but that we may see the will of our holy and righteous Judge done. We echo the words found in Amos 5:24:

...Let justice roll down like waters

And righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

Looking to that day when justice prevails and to when peace--real peace--finally comes, we also echo the words of John the Apostle:

Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus

I long for that day. Sometimes my heart aches in anticipation. I know that God's patience will not endure forever. I know that the evildoers of this world are storing up wrath for that day. I know that righteousness will ultimately prevail. As I long for that day and acknowledge all of these things, I would also like to add the words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard:

Make it so.

The Man in the Mirror

When you are my age, nearing the half-century mark (which is, by the way, 1/20th of a millennium), you notice that time has left its mark on you. The youthful appearance you once possessed has fled. All that is left is the haggard, road-weary countenance of someone much older than you feel. Where did that kid get off to?

Having absconded with your appearance, the kid also took other things, pilfering here and there as he laid his plans to leave town. My youthful vigor? Gone. My sense of adventure? Gone, too. Various and sundry passions? Also gone. Many of the things which associated me with those post-pubescent years, the sunrise years of adulthood, are missing.

Decay is a sad thing to behold. It’s usually not noticed unless time is condensed. Take two periods of time, years distant from one another. Remove everything in between so they sit side-by-side and the comparison will show you that time ravages everything it touches, and it touches everything. Your childhood home, once sheltering loved ones from the elements and from ruffians, now falls into a heap. Go to a class reunion and see how the beautiful young women have devolved into middle-aged has-beens, rode hard and put up wet. Handsome young men have been replaced by beer-bellied, bald-headed old men with puffy jowls and gym bags under their eyes.

Old age also leads its victims into a delusional state. They disregard the evidences of age and feel as if time has not moved along. Women think they are still hot. Men have dreams of easily winning the affections of younger women. Tricked by time, these poor souls wander to and fro, sweating drops of desperation. The odor can be sickening to those grounded in reality, but more often it results in pity. Poor oblivious suckers.

Hopefully as we age, our tastes mature. Women aren’t compelled to dress in ridiculous ways. Men compare the ages of younger women to their children and grandchildren. Unable to defeat Father Time, we invite him in for a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. We will hopefully acknowledge that aging gracefully is to be coveted and revered. Time marches on, so deal with it. As for me, I feel like a twenty-something in the body of a forty-something. I’ve never felt older. Granted, I do look older, but what can I do about that? A radical comb-over? A neglected membership at a gym? No, I choose to accept the hand I’m dealt. While I will not choose to advance the process of advancing by dissipation, I will deal with life as it comes and I will seek to enjoy it until it ends.

When the inevitability of aging surrounds us and we aren’t swept away by delusion, we will either succumb to defeat and allow it to rob our life of joy and meaning or we will embrace it as being part of that life. Getting old has always been a part of life. The only ones who have left this life without doing battle with Father Time have left it prematurely, not having seen what many believe to be the best years of it all. Getting old has is rewards, too. Older people have confidence. They have wisdom (hopefully). They have experience. They have good friendships that have endured for years and shine like hand-rubbed mahogany. Older people can slow down and enjoy the richness of life, savoring each moment. All young people have is looks and energy.

Old people that load up in a motor home and tool around the country, spending the wealth they’ve acquired over the last 30 or 40 years of saving, are shameful. Seniors should be plugged in to younger generations, teaching and passing on wisdom, not tooling around in a gashog monstrosity, feasting on the fat of the land. Senior adults who live this self-indulgent type of life are partially responsible for the ignorance of present generations. We are presently raising children and young adults on a diet that is free of wisdom. Experience is not always the best teacher. Someone else’s experience is usually better, granted we have the smarts to learn from their mistakes.

I said that old, selfish people are only partially responsible for the ignorance of present generations. This is because younger generations bask in their ignorance. They proudly look on previous generations as more ignorant and without anything of value to offer them. These unteachable masses will soon enough reap a harvest of pain and suffering, without anyone to blame but themselves.

So I look in the mirror and wonder at the value of those lines, the sagging flesh, and those latter-day bulges. If I consider myself wiser than I was--if I consider each trial, each tribulation to be of value--then I’ve done well. One cannot hang onto youth any more than you can hold water in your hand. It slips through, no matter how hard you try to keep it. If you are one of those rare young people who covet wisdom and the richness which maturity bring to life, be patient. There is no fast track, no shortcut, to wisdom. There are shorter routes, but even the shortest routes are decades long.

The best advice I can give a younger person is to be mindful of who you are and where you are at all times. Think long and hard about what kind of person you want to be, and let everything you do move you toward that goal. Be today's version of the kind of person you want to be.  It is my hope that you never reach that specific goal. My hope is that by the time you get there, you have fine-tuned that goal at regular intervals, replacing unimportant features with more important ones as your priorities have changed, as you have matured. I am nothing like I wanted to be in my youth, but I’m happy where I am and I have no regrets.

No regrets. I like the sound of that. I’d rather have that than youth any day.

On Raising Children - Part III - Nuts and Bolts

 

One thing you learn as you compare your child rearing ideas with others is just how unique these ideas and the methods used to employ them are. Given the difference in all this, everyone is an expert if only in the realm of their own experience. What you must force yourself to examine is not all the talk or all the neat sounding ideas, but the fruit of the parents labors. All the talk and all the high-minded notions are worthless in parenting if they don’t produce the goods. In this case, I consider “the goods” to be well-adjusted, well-mannered children, ready for inclusion in the human race. I have seen many, many, many parents who talk a good game but just don’t deliver at the plate. Matthew 7:17 says that “...every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” This applies as well in judging parenting methods: look for the fruit.

Before you ever have your first child, you should have made certain decisions about how that child will be trained and taught. The training of a child is work--hard work. It requires a firm hand that will consistently enforce the rules of the house that have been set in place to bring about this predetermined training and teaching. Establishing and maintaining these standards will require the use of force.

I once worked for a private security company, protecting the assets and lives of a wealthy family. Every work day, before our shift would begin. we would discuss certain things in a roll call meeting. Some were specific, relating to this particular company’s activities. Others were general, relating more to security and law enforcement topics. One day a supervisor presented information on what he called the Ladder of Force. This demonstrated how the use of force follows a progression beginning with the physical presence of the officer and ending with deadly force. The general idea was that a proper response worked upward on the ladder using only as much force as any situation dictated, but escalating the use of force as necessary to gain the compliance of the adversary. With children, you don’t really have a good guy/bad guy situation, although at times it seems to be just that. You are training, guiding, and educating this child on how they should behave. You are creating structure where there is none. You are creating order from chaos. In order to accomplish this effectively, you must sometimes ascend the Ladder of Force. Be prepared to use your muscle to make it happen. Corporal punishment is the best way to speak to younger children who don’t yet have the ability to reason. There is no other path.

You should completely disregard those who say that spanking teaches a child violence. That is foolishness, steeped in ignorance. A child that is allowed to defy authority has a heart that is filled with violence. It has never been necessary to be taught violence. It is the fruit of human nature when it is allowed to ferment without constraint. The purpose of discipline is neither to violate, to damage, nor to abuse. It is to enforce compliance to a standard.

So, preparing to be a parent, whether actively or academically, should involve deciding how you want your child to behave and determining and applying methods to make that happen. It is a wrong-headed notion that children have all this goodness inside of them and if we just let them grow up unfettered, they will turn out just fine. (When I say “wrong-headed”, you can assume I’m also saying, stupid, idiotic, naive or moronic.)  I would suggest getting over these free-thinking notions, getting ready to work at parenting, and getting a plan drawn up which will help you to attain your goal.

Here's my starter list. Though not perfect, this is a good list to start with because each of these items focus on character traits that the entirety of humanity would benefit from modeling. Realizing that values differ from person to person, I can’t offer a list that would be perfectly suitable for everyone, but I’m going to offer a few things I’ve tried to teach my children.  If you’re wondering about the “tried to” caveat, go back to Part II and read the first paragraph about the boiling cauldron. I wish the things in this list were universally accepted as essential. Perhaps when the masses read this treatise, the trend will begin moving that way.

1. Telling the Truth. - Lying is one of the biggest impediments to parenting.  In many situations, you need to know the truth, but there is no way of divining it aside from their confession, and somewhere along the way, your cute little child has become a lying, deceitful little bugger. Early on, you need to establish this beachhead of truthfulness. Many of your other efforts will hinge on this, so don’t discount its importance. The most difficult aspect of this will be having your children be truthful while upholding the consequences for certain actions. Self-preservation will drive a child to lie like a senator under oath. Casting the moral importance for truthfulness in spite of consequences is important. Psalm 15, in describing the upright man, says that he “swears to his own hurt and does not change.” This idea of doing the right thing even if it hurts may be foreign to some folks, but remains an essential hallmark for decent humanity.


2. Making Amends. - You don’t have to be a recovering drunk, slogging your way through the 12 steps, to reap the benefits of making amends. When you have wronged someone, whether by deed or word, then you should make that right, repairing the situation through a sincere mea culpa. “I am sorry” means nothing except that you regret something has happened. It doesn’t establish your guilt and show you have accepted responsibility. “Please forgive me” is more appropos. Accepting responsibility for our actions means that these actions are dealt with by the parties directly involved. If your actions have caused loss of a material nature, then it is necessary to offer restitution. We should all strive to keep a clear conscience. If we deal with situations where we have wronged others, then there will be nothing hidden--no skeletons in that proverbial closet for others to drag out to haunt us. This lesson is very hard to learn as an adult and is better learned as a child.


3. Respect for Others - Many of these ideas could be sub-classified under this one, but it warrants mention on its own. Having a basic respect for others is why people are courteous. It is why they aren’t rude or self-serving. I heard one man refer to this as remembering the preciousness of others. Everyone you meet was fashioned by the hands of the same Creator. This gives them value. Humility and deference is one of the most noble, most sincerely good attributes we can display. It exemplifies the antithesis of the all-too-common selfish nature that runs rampant in humanity. By showing respect for others, you are showing yourself and these others that you have risen above your baser nature. You are showing them that they are important, and they are seeing by your behavior that you are as well. I could go on about this one forever, but this will do for now.


4. Respect for Authority - This notion has been undermined since the late ‘60s, but needs to see a resurgence. Fixing this in the minds of your children requires a respect for you as the parent first. You are their first and foremost authority, and you must command and demand their respect, yet respect must be earned, so strive to deserve it. If they don’t respect you, they will probably not respect other authorities either. Since we, now and forever, live under authority of one kind or another, willingly subjecting ourselves to this is an act of self-preservation. This also means we respect authority even if we don’t respect the person in that position. Authority is established by God, too (Romans 13:1-7), and those in authority will be held accountable for how they handled that responsibility.


5. Self-Control - Maintaining a controlling grip on the beast that resides in each of us is a tall order. If we can simply not allow that beast to run amok, that is good, but if we can harness our desires and make them subject to what we know is their proper use, we will have accomplished a great feat and will save ourselves from a lifetime of woe, pain and regrets. We must learn to say “no” to our darker sides. We must also learn to control our tongue. This not only means not saying the wrong thing, but talking too much in general (Proverbs 10:19). Self-control in all areas of our lives is important. One way I try to exercise this is by saying “no” to things that really don’t matter that much. If I want to stop on the way home and get myself a fizzy beverage, this really doesn’t matter, morally speaking, yet by saying “no” to that simple desire, I have established control of my desire. It doesn’t control me. If you can do it at this level, you can move up the Ladder of Control, establishing self-control at progressively higher levels. Teach your kids the meaning of “no”. Teach them the meaning of “not now.” Teach them that throwing a fit in response to either of these is totally and completely unacceptable.
   


6. A Healthy Work Ethic - Work, like authority, cannot be escaped. We all are called to work in different ways for different reasons. Helping your children to see the value in working and working hard will make them useful to you, to their families, to their employer, and to society as a whole. Laziness is a cancer that must be excised, medicated, radiated and obliterated at all costs. This is supported by biblical teaching: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Give your children responsibility early on in their lives and make them progressively responsible for more things and more important things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child helping out with the work around the house. Teach them to do things, to do them correctly, and to do them with a good attitude. Teach your kids this and they will sing your praises when they are older and the fruits of their responsibility have ripened.

There are many, many other things that could be on this list, but this is a good start. If our kids can grasp these things, they will be well on their way to acceptable adulthood. You may also be able to forgo that locking-them-in-the-basement thing.

I'll leave you with this, a method for raising teenagers. I heard it from Chuck Swindoll, who was apparently quoting Mark Twain. He said that when your child turns thirteen, you should lock them in a barrel and feed them through the hole. When they turn sixteen, stop up the hole.