The Rarity of a Good Friend

I've never really had a best friend, at least not in the way I perceive the term. I've had lots of good friends, a few really good friends, but no one that I would term as a "best friend." "Best friend" is a mutual term, usually agreeably defined by both parties. What I mean is that you wouldn't want to consider someone your "best friend" if they didn't feel the same way about you. Some folks may not agree with this definition, but it makes perfect sense to me. Now in the strictest sense, I consider my wife my best friend, even to my own stringent definition, but for the sake of this discussion, I'm just considering non-spousal best friends.

I've never had a friend to whom I could feel comfortable confiding everything. I never had a friend that I thought would feel comfortable doing the same with me. I've had friends for whom I would do anything, but there was still always something lacking. I'm left to wonder what's so wrong with me that I don't cultivate friends in this way?

I have friends now that I find myself uncomfortable around at times. We are alike in many ways, but usually very dissimilar in at least one way that seems insurmountable. One friend in particular I'm thinking of is a theology student. He'll be talking to me and to someone else and will break off into an academic discussion on some theological topic which is totally foreign to me. I understand the importance of theology, but I don't have the faculties for being a theologian, namely the willingness to read incessantly. As I sit and listen, I feel stupid. There is nothing to lend to the discussion, so I sit in silence. I think to myself, 'This is an important topic, so I should probably know more about it than I do.' I wonder why it is that I don't want to know more about whatever this topic may be. I'm left with the excuse that a person can't know everything about every topic.

I know a little bit about a lot of different things, but I wouldn't consider myself an expert on anything. "Jack of all trades, master of none" describes me perfectly. I like being that way. It means I'm usually not helpless but can fend for myself in most situations. Those few when I cannot, when I find myself feeling stupid, are probably more a product of my own pride and self-centeredness than of my ignorance.

I seem to have gotten off the topic of friendship...

Reflections at the .45 Century Mark

At this time (9:35am), 45 years ago, I was born.

It's good to look back over 45 years of living an have no significant regrets. Sure, I could have done this or that better, but what's living without mistakes? My regrets are perhaps not few, but are small in the grand scheme.

Things I Would Do Differently:

1. Probably nothing. - Without the benefit of foreknowledge, a skill I have always been lacking, I would probably make the same decisions over again, or make worse ones.

I often wonder what my life would be like had I done things differently. We all do that, don't we?

The Butterfly Effect was a good movie, in my opinion, because it looked at the time travel thing from a different perspective. For every mistake that he corrected, the results cascaded down through time, changing everything else. Other problems, usually worse than the initial one, cropped up. He would go back again and try to correct that one and the same thing would happen again. Eventually, he goes back in time to kill himself (actually to allow himself to die in an accident). This, he figures, will fix everything.

The best perspective comes from another movie, 13 Going on 30--not exactly a movie men like to admit to enjoying, but entertaining none the less. The heroine asks her mother something like this: "If you had a chance toredo your life, what would you do differently?" Her mother responds, "Nothing. If you don't make mistakes, then you couldn't learn how to make things right."

The imperfection we make in our lives creates contrast with the perfection we long for but can't reach. Contrast, in life as well as in photography, makes things look richer. Ever wonder what the histogram of your life would look like?

Thinking Professionally

(Subtitle: "So You Think You Have the Chops to Sell Your Skills Professionally? Ha!")

I took some family photos recently with my D200. Set up the tripod, compose the shot, check the settings and "Wham!" I wanted to gauge my quality so I sent the shots to a professional-grade lab, not Sam's Photo Lab as I have been wont to do in the past. I feel like it turned out OK, but there wasn't anything magical about the images, so I was a tad disappointed.

While at the lab, I picked up a newsletter for a local professional photographers guild. There were a couple of columns in it I wanted to read. One, written by the president of the guild, was brutal. In it he recalled a phone call from a prospective photographer who asked his opinion of his work. He let him have it, with both barrels, criticizing his images in the most thorough and brutal (sorry to repeat, but the word is appropos) fashion.

Wanting to embark on a semi-pro career as a photographer, wanting to make myself available for work that should come along, I am thoroughly self-conscious that it will not be up to par, even for a bargain photographer. I'm hoping that this fear of failure pushes me to improve to the point that it is up to par.

A suggestion this guild president makes is that pro photog wannabes align themselves with a group of professionals who can offer quality guidance and meaningful critiques of their work. Sounds like a good idea, but I don't know if I'm up for such a beating. We'll see.

Rush at Smirnoff

Rush is a group I've loved since 1977 when I purchased my first Rush album, A Farewell to Kings. I saw them  first in concert back on January 19, 1988 during the Hold Your Fire tour. Loved it. I saw them again on the Presto tour on March 1, 1990. Loved it then, too. (Thanks to www.cygnus-x1.net for the archived tour dates database, otherwise I wouldn't have remembered).

Promoting the release of Snakes and Arrows, their latest studio album, they are touring this year. Steve (a co-worker) and I went to see them in Dallas at Smirnoff Music Center on August 11. I figured it might be the last time I'd get to see them, so I went for it. Smirnoff is a horrible venue in the summer. The temperature under the pavillion is not much better than on the lawn: hot.

Rush took the stage a little before their scheduled curtain of 8pm with no opening act. Over the years, they've taken advantage of video more and more. Their shows have opened with a video short in recent years, this year being no exception. Our seats gave us an impeded view of the stage, the side of stage right blocking almost 1.5 of the three video screens on the stage. It looked funny, but I don't really know because I missed almost half of it.

First song was "Limelight" from Moving Pictures. As the show progressed, they played a few from the archives: B-sides from albums gone by, most appreciated by the most dedicated of Rush fans. Through the course of the evening, they played 9 of the 13 tracks from Snakes and Arrows, IMHO, not one of their better albums. I, of course, paid close attention to the guitars Geddy Lee (bassist) was playing. He played his Fender Jazz Bass (the black and white one) most of the night with three exceptions. On "Freewill", he played the newer red Jazz bass. My understanding is that they/he drop-tunes for songs such as this one to make the vocals easier to manage.  On "Malignant Narcissism", he brought out the newest addition: a Fender Jaco Pastorius Tribute Fretless Jazz Bass. However, the apex of the evening was when he brought the Rickenbacker 4001 out of the mothballs for "A Passage to Bangkok", one of the encore numbers. Now to you non-bass playing members, all of this means absolutely nothing. However, I enjoy noticing these things.

Another thing of interest was the crowd's demographic. I would hazard that the crowd was mostly 40-something white males. Of course, there were a few younger folks, a few older, and a number of females, but the majority was fellows like myself. It's comforting to know that Rush is mostly supported by guys like me.

The band is getting older. Geddy Lee is 54; Alex Lifeson (guitarist) will be 54 on August 27; Neal Peart (drummer) will be 55 on September 12. This doesn't bother me. I rather enjoy the prospect of 50-somethings showing the young ones how the proverbial cow ate the cabbage. As far as musicianship goes, they are at the top of their game. Some small exceptions exist, of course. Geddy can't hit the high notes like he used to do. That's OK. The screeching was just a tad annoying.

It was a great show and I was glad to be there, even given the imperfect venue. Rock on, dudes!

The Biker Wave

Being an student of the human condition, I like to take note of behaviors I see. With the plethora of bikers I've seen on the road (and I don't mean the idiots on bicycles that you have to drive around), I've noticed and studied the "Biker Wave". This is what I've noticed about the "Biker Wave."

1. 
   
   It's a universal signal between bikers, but not between a biker and any other driver, i.e. between a biker and a car or truck driver.


2. 
   
   The Harley riders seem to keep the tradition alive and are more mindful of form and style. The biker in the left of the picture, a painting called "Highway Handshake" by Dawne Holmes, exhibits this wave, with the exception that he has turned his head to the left. Most I've noticed keep their eyes on the road ahead. Most Harley riders, be they doctors, lawyers, or any other wealth-generating professionals who can afford such extravagance, use this form. Of course, Harley riders abound around here, so my information may be skewed.


3. 
   
   Other bikers, such as the Old-Man biker on the Gold Wing, or the youth with a death wish on his crotch rocket, will usually wave, too. Youths on crotch rockets may not wave, but that is because of their typical self-centered focus and not a disregard for the biker code. They have to focus on the more important aspects of biking, such as stoppies and wheelies.

I found this posted on a forum and thought it was well said, especially since it was from the pen of an experienced biker.

This wave, or virtual handshake comes in all sizes, shapes and flavors. And as I've been riding the last 1,600 miles I've kept a mental inventory of the different types of waves.

For some, the rider simply lifts his left hand off the handlebar and with full 90 degree extension and palm facing toward you. As you pass, the rider rests the hand back to his handlebars. Others can be more creative. There's the low wave usually practiced by cruisers where the riders hand drops from the handle bars and extends at a 45 degree angle. A nice variation of the cruiser wave is the subtle piece signed made by the gloved hand of that rider.

Keep in mind these subtle handlebar releases and hand motions happen at all speeds and all driving conditions. Yesterday a rider on a zooming sport bike rounding a nice banked decreasing radius turn swathed in bright red leathers and fully decorated racing style helmet lifted his hand, bent his arm at the elbow and gave me a wave that would have made the Queen of England jealous.

I personally like the "I'm going to acknowledge I'm in the club but remain cool wave" I notice often. That is, the rider simple raises his hand off his handle bar about six to ten inches and then slowly and surely drops it back. Two-up riders must have their own code of handshake or wave acknowledgement Sometimes the rider does the work. While others it's simply the passenger. But pay dirt happens when you get the double whammy -- both riders extend there hands and give it to you.

Keep in mind there's no training or induction into this club. You'll simply develop your own style of wave as you gain more experience riding. The Motorcycle Safety Foundation doesn't tell you how. And I'm sure the Harley Owners Group (HOG) doesn't offer a pictorial of styles in its magazine. One thing is for sure, the mutual admiration, respect and feeling of belonging is part of the motorcycle riders pride. Perhaps no other group, whether its motor vehicle owners, sports fans, collectors or hobbyist share and experience this feeling in such a random and offhand manner.

Allan Karl - www.worldrider.com 

(borrowed from http://www.bmwgs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=88518 , which is a BMW Aventure Riders Forum)

Feeling neglected?

From the top of the first page

To the end of the last day

From the start in your own way

You just want

somebody listening to what you say

It doesn't matter who you are

 

One of my professors once said that everyone, male or female, has a common primary need. That is to feel that you are the most important person in the world to at least one other person.  In this day of self-absorbed living, it's no wonder that the divorce rate hovers around 50%. Everyone's looking out for number one.

Assignment for this month:

1. 
   
   Listen more than you speak. When you are listening, look someone in the eye.


2. 
   
   Do something unexpectedly kind for someone you love, and then for someone you don't necessarily love.


3. 
   
   Speak kindly to a stranger. Say "hi" to someone when you make eye contact.


4. 
   
   Always speak politely to waiters, waitresses and cashiers.


5. 
   
   Always say "thank you" and "you're welcome."


6. 
   
   Be quick to think well of someone and slow to think ill.


7. 
   
   Give out a sincere compliment.


8. 
   
   Call a friend you haven't seen in a while and tell them how much you miss seeing them.


9. 
   
   Make it a challenge to see how quickly you can forget an insult.


10. 
    
    Buy someone lunch or dinner.


11. 
    
    Hold a child in your lap and talk to them.


12. 
    
    Speak to every old person as if they were your grandmother.


13. 
    
    Love more than you hate, but always remember how to hate truly evil things.


14. 
    
    Excercise self-control by telling yourself "no" when you want something really bad.


15. 
    
    Help someone in need.

 

U2: Reflections on My Band of Choice

U2 came on the scene in the late 70's, however it was the 80s before anyone knew who they were. I knew of them, especially in the mid-80s when they became the spokesmen for the progressive Christian youth culture. When I was a student at S.F.A., my peers at the Baptist Student Union revered U2. Boy, October, and War were essential albums for the well-listened, well-rounded BSUer. At the time, I was disinterested, focusing instead on music of a less noble virtue.

Later in life, I discovered U2. The Joshua Tree was a breakthrough album for U2, in my opinion. It retained that U2 sound, but was better, or so was my opinion. Sure, it was arrogant, as U2 was wont to be. Even then, they were known for assuming a morally superior position.

The Joshua Tree was a breakthrough album for U2 in a real sense, too. It brought them into the light as true superstars. Over the years, they've experimented here and there, yet have only experienced real success when staying true to the formula. As the adage says, "You should dance with the one that brung you."

I find it interesting how people still claim it as a badge of honor to have been fans in the pre-Joshua Tree period, yea, even the pre-Unforgettable Fire period. Never mind that their loyalty has waned and that they probably don't own more than one or two U2 CDs now; they were there in the old days before U2 was big! Such is true for most folks. They like to think they "discovered" someone. In fact, I like to recall that I knew who Rush was before Moving Pictures.

I've read four U2 biographies and many other articles. I've gleaned a picture of the group which is fairly accurate, or at least as accurate as such a picture can be. Surprisingly, the pictures in each of these books/articles is consistent with the others. U2 has nothing to hide. They're not false.

According to most accounts, Bono, Larry and Edge are Christians of the real, "born-again" variety. Adam's spiritual state is somewhat more nebulous, though Bono alluded to this having changed in Conversations. These fellows have evidenced their conversion consistently through human rights issues and other bleeding heart activities. Most Christians don't have a lot of use for this type of behavior. We believe in the Truth, and though we call others to that standard, we don't think that necessarily requires that we show a lot of love. Also, we feel that showing a lot of love sacrifices our ability to be truthful. Those for whom love is of prime importance see truthfulness as getting in the way of showing compassion.

Grace and truth can be graphically demonstrated in a Cartesian coordinate system along X and Y axes. This creates four regions. Non-believers can  be found in Sectors A and C, for you can show compassion and love without the truth behind it. Christians can be found in Sectors B and D. I say this because being a believer presumes a certain portion of Truth, that being the absolute truth as revealed in Scripture. It is also safe to assume that there are practically no believers in Sector D, as belief will always evidence itself with a certain degree of love (I John 3:14 - "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death."). So, theoretically, we should all exist in Sector B. The question is this: where are you in this Sector?

The bleeding hearts exist along the Grace axis. The Bible-thumpers exist along the Truth axis. We look at each other across the distance with self-righteous scorn, wondering why they aren't like us, wondering how they can claim to be believers and still be way over there.

John 1:14 says, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." (emphasis mine)

"...Full of grace and truth." If we were, as Christ was, full of grace and truth, this divide wouldn't exist. We would all love God's word and we would all love our fellow man, be he sheep or goat. These are not mutually exclusive existences.

There is a line that divides us. It points to where we should be.

U2 has inspired me to think this way. It's not because I think they are the example of where we should be. Actually, I often see myself looking across the divide at them. As I grow older, and hopefully wiser, I begin to see that I'm not where I should be. I also see that they aren't where I should be.

Jesus Christ, our perfect example, showed compassion to those in need. He called Pharisees to account for their legalism. He also showered down a world of hurt on the money changers in the temple on two different occasions. We also see the future in Revelation 19 when he comes with a sword and the cuddly Jesus is now the Warrior Jesus who steps forward to dispense justice. This is the same Jesus. He hasn't changed.

Compassion is not something that governments or NGOs are qualified to administer. Us B-Sector people should be doing it. The bleeding hearts need to realize that you help someone then you tell them why you helped them. Give credit where it is due. The Bible-thumpers should realize that without love, they are abiding in death.

Compassion without truth is hollow. Truth without compassion is incomplete.