We've all heard the phrase, "It's the thought that counts." This sentiment usually accompanies a gift or action which may or may not have any real value, yet the consideration is supposed to carry the primary value.
I've tried to teach my children what this really means. I've taught them that arbitrarily giving gifts just to relieve an obligation or to perhaps win approval from the recipient is a selfish act, the end result being that we feel better for having given a gift. In this context, little thought is given to the recipient and little thought is given to the gift and its propriety.
In their younger years, one of my girls had a friend. We all remember one occurrence when this friend came over, bearing a gift for my daughter. After giving it to her, she said, "You can have this. I don't want it any more."
I also just read an article about Jessica Alba, bragging about teaching her 4-year-old daughter the benefits of giving to the less fortunate by donating her belongings when she's become tired of them or has outgrown them.
There is also a story I remember about the Bill and Hillary Clinton donating used clothing to either the Salvation Army or Goodwill. In this donation was three pair of used underwear that were valued at $2/pair for the purposes of itemizing the "gift" as a charitable contribution for their 1986 tax return.
"It's the though that counts."
There is nothing inherently noble in giving our cast-offs or giving a small portion out of our abundance. That gift has little value in itself, and if it has any value, that must be determined by someone else. Even when we donate used items to resellers, such as the Salvation Army or Goodwill, the item only has value when someone decides to purchase it from their store. We attribute fictitious value to our cast-offs, thinking ourselves generous and caring for gracing a lesser being with our no-longer-needed or -wanted things. Sure, someone may find this useful, however just because someone digs through a dumpster to find something to eat doesn't mean we've done them a favor by putting it there. When our gifts to others are handed down from a lofty place, it is more insulting and demeaning to the recipient than a gift should be. If we do give these things to others, it should most certainly be from a place of humility, thinking carefully of their feelings and their personhood.
Another lesson I've tried to communicate is that giving in a meaningful way is sacrificial. If I received a $25 gift card from certain friends, it would almost be insulting, as I know that they sacrificed little or nothing to give this amount. There are other friends though for whom a $25 gift would be a real sacrifice and would carry meaning far beyond the amount given.
I've also tried to communicate that gift giving requires thought, not in that you thought to give a gift, but that you thought about what you would give this person. Granted, some are hard to buy for and we often have little ideas about what would make a meaningful gift for them, but we should strive to see that our giving is as meaningful as it can be.
Some friends of mine gave me a pipe for my birthday once. It was purchased at a flea market, so it was used, and it wasn't a necessarily expensive brand, yet they knew I was a collector and they thought about my passions and desires when giving this gift. I enjoyed this gift far more than I would have enjoyed a $50 Target gift card.
Gift cards have become an obligation-filler. Unless it has purpose behind it, i.e., it's to a special store or it is focused on a particular need the recipient has, it is virtually meaningless and serves only to soothe our conscience.
There are other thoughtful ways to show our love for friends and family. Recently, some friends invited us over to their house to celebrate my birthday. This was a very meaningful gift. There weren't any actual gifts exchanged, but there was some yummy brisket and delectable sweets, not to mention that we were able to spend some time with some of our favorite people. Once again, much better than a $50 Target gift card.
So in our gift-giving and in our daily contact with friends and family, let us remember that thoughtfulness counts. Let others see that we think, and that when we do think, its not always about ourselves.
