I've never really had a best friend, at least not in the way I perceive the term. I've had lots of good friends, a few really good friends, but no one that I would term as a "best friend." "Best friend" is a mutual term, usually agreeably defined by both parties. What I mean is that you wouldn't want to consider someone your "best friend" if they didn't feel the same way about you. Some folks may not agree with this definition, but it makes perfect sense to me. Now in the strictest sense, I consider my wife my best friend, even to my own stringent definition, but for the sake of this discussion, I'm just considering non-spousal best friends.
I've never had a friend to whom I could feel comfortable confiding everything. I never had a friend that I thought would feel comfortable doing the same with me. I've had friends for whom I would do anything, but there was still always something lacking. I'm left to wonder what's so wrong with me that I don't cultivate friends in this way?
I have friends now that I find myself uncomfortable around at times. We are alike in many ways, but usually very dissimilar in at least one way that seems insurmountable. One friend in particular I'm thinking of is a theology student. He'll be talking to me and to someone else and will break off into an academic discussion on some theological topic which is totally foreign to me. I understand the importance of theology, but I don't have the faculties for being a theologian, namely the willingness to read incessantly. As I sit and listen, I feel stupid. There is nothing to lend to the discussion, so I sit in silence. I think to myself, 'This is an important topic, so I should probably know more about it than I do.' I wonder why it is that I don't want to know more about whatever this topic may be. I'm left with the excuse that a person can't know everything about every topic.
I know a little bit about a lot of different things, but I wouldn't consider myself an expert on anything. "Jack of all trades, master of none" describes me perfectly. I like being that way. It means I'm usually not helpless but can fend for myself in most situations. Those few when I cannot, when I find myself feeling stupid, are probably more a product of my own pride and self-centeredness than of my ignorance.
I seem to have gotten off the topic of friendship...
